Need advice about contacting my father

[FlamingoBingo]

I've been in touch with my step-mother, who has been very kind and very honest. I've been trying to work out whether to try to re-build a relationship with my father or not and, if so, how. I've decided that I want to get in touch with him soon. I haven't seen him for 3.5y, but I have had phone calls with him every few months.

I want to tell him why I'm so angry with him. My step-mother thinks I should try to meet up with him sans children and thrash it out with him, but I don't know how to start!

Should I just email him and ask him if we can meet? I tried in the summer, but he said he couldn't afford the petrol . I think now that he was scared. He has a dysfunctional attitude to money and love and thinks the only way to give love is to give presents, and he has no money at the moment so just shuts himself off while he tries to earn the money to start loving again .

Anyway, because he rebuffed me in the summer, I'm kind of thinking I need to be a bit more hardhitting when I ask him, but not sure how to do it.

Should I just come right out and say 'we need a big talk' or tell him I'm angry and need to arrange a few meetings to sort it out? Or what?

Any thoughts gratefully recieved.

Anyone?

I think you should email him, including your thoughts with the money/love feelings.
I think you should go for it and not hesitate or you will get stuck in a rut of changing your mind, and before you know it years will of passed.

will this benefit anyone?

i mean - if you do the whole 'i have something i have to say' stuff - is it likley to strain the reltionship or end it?

i mean if its a hug whopper of a thing - which i know is relative and you want to say something but accept the end of a relationship - go for it.

anything else and i think you need professional mediation to work through it if you intend to use this 'cleansing' of your soul as the foundation to build a better relationship

I've just written and deleted a huge long reply to you, Custy. What you wrote was very helpful and made me really think through my motivation for doing anything. I deleted it because it was long, rambling, and very boring, but very cathartic for me to write - so thank you!

I do need to do this, I think. But thank you for making me question it. I still don't know how to though!

Thank you, Poppy - I think you're right about getting on with it. DH worries that if I leap in saying why I'm cross, then it'll just make him cross and we'll get nowhere!

a pleasure