Pleeeeeeease let me moan about my houseguest, please commiserate with me...

[PavlovtheForgetfulCat]

Oh i can't moan in real life. I have to Grin and Bare It.

My BIL. DHs brother. He is much older than DH. He is 49 i think (DH is 36, i am 32). He hardly knows DH due to a complicated upbringing (he stayed with his greek father, when his mother left, she later had DH from another relationship). There are lots of resentments in his life, he is bitter and twisted and set in his ways. And he is Doing My Skull In. I would like, in an ideal world, to tell him to just go away. But I can't, we have little family. He is Trying (beleive me he is ) and DH wants him to stay in touch. DH feels some kind of obligation to him i think as he (his DB) has no other family apart from him.

Anyway. I just need to list/rant out all the things that are getting to me, so that I do not go "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OUT YOU ARE PISSING ME OFF!!!' I know, i need to learn Tolerance. Its an age thing right? .

1. 'i am an electrical engineer by trade you know, i trained for three years, i did it as a job (amongst other things, been unemployed as long as i recall!). Cue attempting to fix our noisy fan in the desk top. This morning. Spent all day defragging - our fault for not doing it is why it took so long, althoug DH insists he did it a few months ago. Could not have, would not take this long if he did, blah blah...'hmm, hmm, i knoooow, its because of xyz'....onwards, getting, by the sound of it, more and more broken...'you haven't turned the power off or anything?'
2. He talks, endlessly. He has opinions about everything. He is right about everything. He does not listen to anything anyone else says.
3. He slags off MIL, who regardless of his opinion, i rather like. And of course DH loves her. He won't listen to 'can you try to express your opinions without so much hatred?'
4. He talks about his x-girlfriend, split with her 5 years ago endlessly, bitterly, angrily. He laughs that she is now 'fat' (or rather, she was too skinny before when she was with him and now more likely her natural size?), but claims he does not care.
5. He slags of another BIL. His full brother, DHs half brother (long long story) who lives in USA and who DH happens to get on very well with, only one year older than he). Does not give a toss how DH might dislike it. DH says something and he ignores it, or says 'you don't understand'.
6. He smokes like a chimney. He has a bad back, so cannot smoke outside as he can't stand for that long, so sits in a chair by our back door and blows smoke out the door. Of sorts.
7. (this should probably be 1). He has a bad back. So, he plonks himself down in the middle of the sofa, feet up on my footstall, laptop on lap, watching tv, because we told DD she could have no tv because of misbehaving. "oh, this footstall is great for my bad back, I have to use this, have one at home, will cripple me otherwise'. so, me 36wks pregnant, squashed into the corner, minus my footstall. Hence i am now in bed.
8. 'i cannot sleep on that sofa bed. I considered sleeping on your very comfy leather sofa in the front room, but felt it would make it awkward in the morning for your DD to have nowhere to go, but tonight I might have to, i just cannot sleep on that sofabed'
9. 'I am going on sunday, as that is the best day for travelling weather wise. I cannot go before that, so you can get on with you painting when I am gone - i would prefer you don't do any sanding while I am here, as I have asthma' - he was coming down to 'help' decorate, in prep for carpets being laid on wednesday, and a BABY due in less than 4 weeks, only coming for 2 days, turned into 4 said so flippantly too!

10. DD said 'i love you uncle xxx and ran and cuddled him' his response '{chuckles} you don't even know me luv!' she is 3 ffs . 11. He talks loudly. 12. He swears. All the time. 13. He told DH how much' fatter' he was since last time he saw him, and at this rate he will be a fat ball by 50. Then laughed and said he was just trying to shock him into sorting out his weight. 14. He moans about England and how shit it is, and how downhill it has gone - he is half greek, half english, grew up between Greece and Holland until a few years ago! Not complaining at the income he gets from the government though! 15. He does not want to do anything. Beautiful weather out this morning, wanted to take DD on the moors - sure when he wakes up a bit, needs a few hours. By that time it is raining. I go out, and when I get back, he is where he was!!! 16 he and DH are having a bloody ball. I am concerned about the influence here - DH has become a bit testosterone fuelled...he wears the trousers now, apparantly.

I would pretend to go into loud and messy labour early. Tell him your waters are breaking, can he help clean it up? Can he check your hospital bag's got the sanitary towels in it?

Oh God, so sypmpathise.... nowt worse than an irrating houseguest... Not long to go now..

When he's gone, take DH to one side, and say that there is no way on earth that person - whoever he is - will cross your threshold... If he feels stongly about hosting him, suggest they share a hotel room.

We had some people from abroad that just assumed that it'd be OK to stay with us.. took about 5 days till they sorted something else out... Grrrr!

6ftunder funnily enough, when he went to visit his full brother in USA, to meet him for the first time, he stayed there 3 days, before BILs wife said just that - he is going to stay in a hotel! And he did, and it all ended acrimoniously!

DH just saw the post, the header and looked at me in a disgusted manner - i said to him 'would you prefer I said it aloud? Or to some people who I can sound off at without causing a fight?' and he said 'fair point' .

I asked what the plan of action was today and he shrugged his shoulders - he has to 'wake up' yet whatever that means?!!

bodycolder oh you poor thing. Now you must be soooo pleased!

abra1d you know i said that, for fun, and he said 'i am not at all bothered if you were to go into labour, i have been present at births before, its not new to me' . True or not, it did not phase him and I am sure it would not too! And I am sure he would have to be forcibly kicked from the building!

DD - 'look at my scarf! I am little red riding hood!' (has a blanket around head)
BIL 'no, its not a scarf, its a blanket'
DD 'yes it IS, its a 'tend scarf'
BIL 'no its not'
DD 'yes it is'
BIL 'no really my dear its not, it is a blanket'
DD 'nooooooooo, I am little red riding hood and you are the big bad wolf.

He has now slagged off the painting I have done...

He and DH were joking about the kitchen door. DH said it is not finished yet, only the undercoat. BIL said yes you can tell.

So...i pointed out that the door was in fact finished. I had spent 2 fucking hours doing it.

Oh. And now they find it funny, won't tell me what is wrong with it, and DH has told me to 'lighten up'. That ok?

BUT, they are going to do a bit of painting apparantly. Although now, I am not entirely sure I want him to!

He is stood here. IN MY BEDROOM. Helping DH sort out a broken tv...hey, i am sat here you know... and he is slowly working his way closer and closer into the bedroom...

He just sat on the bed and i had to say 'please leave it alone, i will sort it when i get dressed as i am sat here half naked'

'oh, i didn't notice' shrugged his shoulders! DH said 'fine i shall leave then' and stomped off. FFS can't he see the problem there this is my fucking space!

I have just been reminded the clocks go back tomorrow though, so, he will hopefully be leaving an hour earlier than i thought

Is he that "Margot's awful boyfriend" character from My Family And Other Animals?

"I do not dance but if I did I would be the greatest quickstepper in the ballroom..."

"I do not paint youur doors but if I did I would be a celebrated interior designer..."

thats him!

i don't get paint on me. Ever. That is why everyone used to pay me to paint their flats. I do not make a mess.

So they are actually painting. 10 mins. He needs a break so he is going to have a fag and a cuppa for 5 mins.

But we should have told him what we needed doing apparantly, as he has all the tools back in Burgess Hill. If we had told him, he would have brought it all with him. Yeah, on his motorbike, with a bad back. Sure.

But, at least he is helping

Oh dear, poor you Pav!

I would definately be getting the sander out though, asthmatic but still smoking, tough titty then! Just think, only 24 hours and then he will be gone and you can have your footstool back

Pavlov, you seriously need to talk with dh after this is over... that would be driving me up the wall by now

Yeah, good point about the smoking "asthmatic". Idiot.

Asthma is nothing to do with his chain smoking though you see. He had pneumonia a few years ago, made it bad. Apparantly, something to do with having small lungs. Can't be fixed you see .

Just been out to get more paint for the ceiling, DH asked me. So they could continue painting. I did this, took longer than required. They did nothing while I was out, nothing to do you see. Then when I got back, DH said they were going to pop out to visit a friend for a cup of tea, then when they got back they would get started on a coat on the ceiling! So. I said 'you could have got the paint then?' 'well, yes, if I knew you would be so long' and now, he has the hump with me cos he says I am being pissy because they are now going out. Oh and he has to do lunch first. What the fuck where they doing while I was out then?

We have been here before though. Last time he came, and I tolerated him less, more quickly ! I shall just make sure next time that me and the children go away for the duration next time. DH turns into some weird Ugg Ugg Man, all proud and patriarchal. Apart from getting me to fetch the paint that is.

DH: you got paint all over the plug sockets dude...
BIL: yeah? you just got to wash it off, scrub it a bit when it dries, bit of effort that is all, its no problem.
DH: ok

it should have been: Effort NOW, so we don't have to go back over it all and scrub later! Can you clean it off as you go along please?

Also, how can he cut in if he is just rollering over it all? And he has got it all over my dado rail which I have painted already. Luckily it probably needs another coat to be sure anyway, but its not the point.

Soon. Soon.

GOD Bless you Pavlov, herculean effort, for which Karma dictates you will be richly rewarded...

Thanks so much for the practically live feed, we're all feeling that angst for you

BTW, accept no excuse tomorrow, if you have to put foot down with DH, even cause a ROW, don't let that stand in your way...

We the women of Mumsnet coached our dear sister in getting rid of the unwanted Italian girl... this waste of space will be childsplay!!

Sweepstake anyone?

Will OP make it to bedtime without flipping out completely and putting this tub o lard in his place?

It's coming up for half 6 now.. can she go another 4 hours, or so???

You are a saint. I would have gone bananas by now, particularly considering what a patronising twerp he is. Have you considered ringing BIL's wife in NY (the one who threw him out) and venting/getting tips?

And smoking in the kitchen?! I hope you have gone on strike and are refusing to cook in there. I'd be pumping pollen into the house (or anything else) to aggravate the asthma.

Lisa - the woman who threw him out - she is a hard cow. She is a very very hard woman who tolerates nothing. At All. I would like to be as stoney as her, but I just cannot.

The live feed...it gets it all out of my system. Saves me venting and causing all mother of arguments. But DH is starting to lose his patience too, which is not a Good Sign .

Bloody fool, stopped halfway through rollering a wall, to have a fag/check his emails, have a rest. He has 'had to go over it 3-4 times as its streaky'. Yes, so you go over it once, thoroughly. Then, leave it a few hours to dry before doing it again, not straight away! And for some reason he refuses to use a paint brush, so he is rollering everything, it looks quite bad. So, while I am grateful for his offering to help not i would prefer he did not bother and he used the wrong paint! Luckily, he is painting white, so won't be bad to re-do the bits he has missed/messed up.

Oh, and I nicked my footstall back, am sat in the middle of the sofa, and am about to settle to watch x-factor. He is going to lurve that.

heh - enjoy the footstall.

lunatic you and i would loosen them, or at the every least use an edging brush to paint around them. But not he. No, he rollers over the edges of them. Which means I now have to loosen them, then turn off the electricity so that I can use a damp cloth to clean them!

Twerp - i like that name!

Luckily I do not do most of the cooking, DH does. So I have been absent while he has cooked!

He really upset DH though at the meal time. I snapped, and DH flashed me a filthy look like I had been rude, because he would not say anything to him . DD is a little portly, he goes through waves of being a bit bigger, less big, depends on what he has been doing, time of year, etc. It is a genetic thing, his brothers are also stocky guys. This BIL is a rather large man himself, and has spent a lot of the last few days making comments such as 'its our mothers side, this fatness you know' or 'we have to watch our weights DH and I, I cannot eat biscuits just butter, and nor should you really DH, you should be eating less meals'. This evening, while we were eating a healthy meal of spanish omelette and greek salad, he was going on about their shared 'overweight' issues and he said to me 'so when are you going to put him on a diet? DH was wide eyed at me, like I was saying it. I said 'DH is a grown man who will chose when, if and how he should weight, if he wants to do so, he has the freedom to do so, but it is not necessary' and DH said 'why are we talking about my weight?' and I said 'we are not, your brother is, give him the evil look' and his brother rolled around with laughter - good answer from your wife! but seriously, you need to diet man, I do too, I always have to watch what I eat, its something you can't avoid' on and on and on. Silence from DH and I.

Ha ha.. DH beginning to 'feel the pain' oh yes, he'll not be darkening your door again!

You know what DH said to me? i love this bit...

DH:i am about to do tea. Is there anything in particular you would like?
Me: yes, for him to leave.
DH: yes, i know
DH:I am sorry hun.
Me: what for babe.
DH: I would say 'its not my fault' but it is my fault isn't it?
me: yes, it is completely your fault, but you acknowledge it, so I forgive you. Now go clean your teeth as your breath stinks of cigerettes! (he smokes rollies, few a day, but since brother been here, been chain smoking straights with him. Bleugh).

So, think you are right. He won;t be visiting again. For a Long Time

ha ha ha ha ha ha! If you are REEEALLLY clever, you could milk this one for a wee while longer.. IYKWIM!!

Result!!

Dontya just love it when they realise we have a point.. and that we are not just nagging them and being antisocial.

Oh how good it feels to be proved right! LOL!

I shall milk it. I shall not moan too much. I shall be stoic about it all. But I shall remind him. Every time I can. Quietly. Calmly. Like, tomorrow morning when I want a lie-in...monday, when it will be his turn to take DD to nursery

LOL, PMSL! Good Girl!! proud of ya!!

Poor DH, almost (almost) feel sorry for him...

however much he thinks he stuffed up by allowing that loon into your home... little does he know eh! LOL!!