Hi, I wonder if you could give me some advice, I have not posted the whole story, but here is a brief outline.
Grew up with bi polar father, who mentally and physically abused, for example, threw dinner plates across room, threw furniture across rooms, hit us with belt buckles etc, shouted and generally was abusive towards us.
Mother was a people pleaser, weak enabler, she claims she tried to leave but father would charm people to tell him where we were and she was scared he would hurt us if he found us, so she went back.
I was disturbed from it all, very clingy etc, brother developed chronic asthma which lead him to the escape of hospital regularly, and nice treatment when he returned due to stress of the continual abuse and arguing of both parents that went on every weekend!
Father had no time for me, took brother on holidays and did nice things with him, never me. Father used to make me do illegal things for him, to do with tax evasion when I was 9!
Father left when I was a teen, Mother had always been neglectful, not in a clean house sort of way, but in an emotional way, her job, her social life, her stuff always came first, she looked upon me as a baby sitter to miss school to care for ill brother as her job was most important etc. Me and not brother to do housework, you get the picture, and she would write big notes all over the house accusing me of being lazy, and from the age of 13 she would shout at me that she hated me and wanted me to leave, and as soon as I was sixteen she would have me out of her house, she just seemed to hate me and blame everything that went wrong in her life on me.
Father also made us move, I went to 13 primary schools, I am talking countries, cities the lot, move move move!
I became a very compliant, people pleasing person!
I got depressed by 16, as gcse's, parents had split that year, father was admitted to mental hospital and continually wanting things off me, and friend was murdered, I did not do well at exams and took an overdose, I was slapped across the face by my mother, and treated even worse. She went nuts at me for the hospital wanting family therapy and she and my brother never forgave me, and continually called me nuts like my father from that day. My brother never had anything to do with me after that overdose! So I pretended to everyone I was ok, for peace in my life and carried on very unhappy! THe older I got the more I realised that my childhood had been terrible, and I had an underlying anger in side of me of anger they had treated me that way, anger that they did not like or love me, and despiration for them and others to like and accept me.
I made bad firendship choices, and good ones also, I always feel there was something wrong with me and despirate for people to like me.
Forgot to add, that my mum's family never had anything to do with us properly as my father before I was born stabbed my uncle, never told why, but always felt outsider as it was always awkward and his name could not be mentioned, it even ruined my wedding long story!
I went through life, continually people pleasing etc, had boyfriends etc, then met my ex husband, he was the first person in my life to make me feel loved and like a princess, that soon changed once he had me moved in with him and pregnant, but by then it was too late, the marriage was not terrible, but once the honeymoon period was over, the mental abuse from him, brain washing, affairs he had, twisting events to make me doubt myself began. He got even more abusive towards me after he left, it was horrible what he did, don't want to go into it but the mental torture of him taking me to court telling lies, which to his own admission was not to have the kids for himself but to have them taken off me, this abuse continues to this day financially, years later, and yes courts are involved, it is very slow!
I came to realise the bad friendships choices the friends who I had been there for through thick and thin, well when I needed people they one by one, disappeared, that made me more needy and made the abuse I was suffering even worse as I was more and more isolated.
My father never had any interest or offered any help to me, he knew the kids were potentially going to be taken off me, he did not seem to care as usual all he cared about was himself, i told two cousins, they did not even ring to find out how I was, I now realise they rang when they did for info and to gossip etc...
My mother left me to be abused for nine months after ex left, when he left she made no effort to be kind, hug me, do anything for me, nothing all she kept saying was she was stressed as her brothers were diagnosed at the same time with cancer and I understand that was hard for her but she was never close to them, as they rejected her and hardley saw her when my dad caused the problems.
The day mymohter decided that she would actually listen to what was going on with the ex abusing me, was nine months later when he treatened to kill me and take the kids off me and destroy me, this man had been telling me to die and abusing me and kids ofr months, she did not care before, but as it was on xmas day and as she heard it and he was abusing her and calling her scumb she decided it was real after all and that it was not good.
She then was on my side so to speak after that, but never wanted to get her hands dirty with any work, she occasionally helped with the kids and leant me money for legal fee's, and sat in court with me, but never helped me so to speak with legal work or solicitor appointments, or anything like that, she helped me twice without payment to do work around the house, she babysat on occasions, but she didn't want the kids as they were traumatsied and upset, and dragging me down to a depression with the abuse and their behaviour, she didn't want to the hastle of it all.
Anyways I hung on in there and this weekend, after being ignored for ever by my father I calmly asked him why he had missed something, his response oh I forgot, oh you know i am not well, I then cried and said he had never loved or liked, me, he went bonkers on the phone and screamed at me. He has not been taking his meds regularly as he had a g/f the last year and he told me a few omnths ago that he thought my mum had althzeimers, the thing is he is controlling and convicing even though he is mental. Now he has my mum convinced that I am mental, that I should be locked up and that he was going to ring social serivces!
I want nothing to do with them, as she is wanting me to go to a dr, when I was despressed I went to a dr, they told me that I was suffering from stress from the situation, or that I was depressed from the situation, I had counselling and was happy with the results.
The thing is the family and friends do not like the changes in me, they don't like the fact, I went from a people pleaser that was controllable to someone who stands up for themselves and is angry and recovering from abuse!
I have told the family I want no more to dow ith them, I am scared they will harm me and my kids, that father is nuts, certified by psychiatrist and he had electric shock treatment and he is controling and my dumb mum who he left when I was a teen listens to the crazy man.
I want to move away as they may cause me damage, and mostly I am scared they will call the ex, and he will love it and use it, he is fuming he has to pay so much for kids, he has not seen them for six months his choice.
I sort of came to the realisation that my family never liked or loved me, that they are not right, and the reason that I was ripe pickings for an abuser, and my mum hates that I say that and wants to know the name of the counsellor and goes nuts saying counsellors have problems of their own.
I want to be free of people hurting me, I have to admit I did silly things to get attention from my family, but I am not a bad person.
Do you think it bast to start again and move away with the kids?