My Job? Your opinions please?

[heron22]

Hi All

I am a stay at home mum of 2 DC, one school age and one baby.

DH said the other day that the children and home is my "job", like taking DC to school is my "job".

I felt offended when he put it that way.

Would you be? I feel very unhappy with what he said.

that is the thing about being a mum - you never get away from the "job".

so lately i started leaving DH to look after DC for a few hours every weekend, so i can go out and have some time on my own. even just go for a walk.

mamag looking after kids is really hard and i think DH should help with housework. i dont think that is being lazy.

wot DC does love being taken to school by daddy. i said to DH do it once a week, for a special one to one time.

I agree with MamaG.

When my dc were little & I worked PT, the days I was at home with them were a complete doss compared with being at work with massive pressure for 9 hours solid.

well heron if you leave DH with the DC at the weekend for a few hours so you get time to yourself, then I don't think it's fair of you to say "during the week i do it all and then at the weekends he goes off cycling for half a day" Half a day is only a few hours, and it sounds like he gives you the same break in return. You both have jobs and you both have the right to a bit of time to yourselves.

In general I don't get SAHPs who say "I'm with the kids all the time, he /she should give me time off when he/she's home from work" and then not expect their OH to want some free time too - when does the poor WOHP get time off from working?

i do agree though that it would be great though if he could take them to school as a treat - i'm sure he would enjoy it as much as the DC.

But if you are a SAHM then you need to accept that it is your job even if you are not paid to do it. I don't think any parent (mum or dad) has the choice to opt out of a job (unless they are ludicrously rich and pay lots of nannies and housekeepers), it's just a question of whether that is out of the home or in the home. Yours is in the home, your DH's is out of the home.

heron yes, looking after kids is hard work at times, but its not as hard as my DH going out to work 7-5 every day doing physical work! I'm not going to ask him to unload the dishwasher when I've spent an hour on MN and been for coffee with friends!

ladies, i really appreciate all your comments and has given me a perspective.

i feel a little better now. DH does not do physical manual work. he does work long hours at the office. granted he does get tired. having said that, he also goes to gym during his lunch break, or goes to a nice lunch with friends.

plus he gets good conversation.

sometimes i feel that by 5pm, all i have gotten are dirty nappies and whining. of course this is not always the case.

also i think to describe what we do as a "job" is too clinical and cold. i think that is what i was unhappy with as well.

TBH if someone is a SAHP then the childcare is predominantly that person's job. However, housework is a shared responsibility.
The easiest way to judge if your relationship is reasonably fair in the division of labour is: do both parents get roughly the same amount of chore-free, child-free time? If they do, then it's fair enough. However, if the WOHP gets to do whatever s/he wants at weekends on the grounds of 'working hard all week' while the SAHP is doing childcare and household chores 24/7 in return for board and lodging and maybe a shag, then this is not fair.

well i have done it all.

Worked full time with on-call (so dh had to look after dc as well as him working).

Worked part time - with help for childcare.

Been full time SAHM.

Also dh has had a chance to take a lot of time off work (5 months in total) - so he knows what it is like.

The trouble with calling childcare a job is that it is full on with no time off - even when ill.
Most 'jobs' can be done by someone else in your absence, and i think that is where there is more 'stress' for want of a better word.

I would choose part time as the best option and for me even though my job is fairly hard with no real breaks it is still easier than being a full time SAHM.

I think the key is to find a good balance - sometimes my h does more of the chores even if i have been at home all day (less now that the dc are at school).
Also to not worry about getting everything done - and accepting that you can do things differently.

I cant load a dishwasher - but then my dh cant put a wash on.
Compromise

Do you know what I've always that being a parent is the hardest job I've ever had, so saying that i's harder than whatever he is doing.
So, if this is your job then you need to approach it thus

You clock on at o'clock and clock off at o'clock. Overtime is negotiable, i.e. goldenTIME. what you want to do and what he can do for the family/corporation/family.

The house and home is your workplace and as such should be respected at all times.

He needs to keep his part of the workplace acceptably clean and tidy according the company guidelines i.e what you say goes in the house.

Line management is important and should be reviewed regularly i.e. what's he going to do with the kids this sat and for how long and when is he taking you out for a meal nesxt.

I'm sure you can come up with your own company handbook and guidelines re: your job and working conditions

Have fun

I am also a sahm (only of 1 and hes 18 mths), and would rather do this right now, than the pressures of work. Although I'm trying to pursue a home based freelance career I would hate to have to juggle full-time work and everything else. I find it a compliment when my DH says its 'my job' cos at least he's acknowledging that its something worthwhile. My DH works away and is only here at weekends so never have relief (though evenings are all to myself). I must say though, I do find it hard to get things done in the day such as housework (nighttime I some times do a bit but can't really hoover as neighbours both have small kids asleep too)
I think its more the point that he won't take his DC to school isn't it?
I'd get annoyed too.

SGB and Mamas12 said what I wanted to but couldn't get my thoughts down.

So it is your job but will you also get a lay in on another day and will he expect you to then come home and start on housewok etc?