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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

in a bad way

12 replies

jinna · 11/06/2005 01:13

i lied to my husband - i went to a night club - i thought ihad said i was going out dancing - he didn't realise i meant a night club - in his eyes ilied - he had a row with me - he has called me a bitch, a piece of shit, a low life......- why! - i have no friends and i have no one i can talk to - pretty pathetic - i feel he is wrong - he has said these things before - and then he is sorry - he beat me - he didn't leave anymarks but it hurt me - he said sorry -but he isn'tt - i cannot leave him - and i won't - i just need someone to listen

OP posts:
zebraZ · 11/06/2005 07:27

Doesn't sound like a husband worth having.
Sorry I can't really say more, you know that how he reacted was wrong, no matter what lie you told him.

MeerkatsUnite · 11/06/2005 07:59

Jinna,

Okay, so you lied about going to this particular venue but there is not justification whatsoever for him hitting you and calling you those names. It is a totally over the top reaction on his part. No woman deserves to be hit regardless of the circumstances. This is domestic violence.

He's been very crafty as well hitting you so as not to leave marks. Such violence oftens escalates into further abuse; you've been verbally abused previously and now its turned physical. It is a very dangerous time for you.
How long has all this been going on?.

Why do you feel you can't you leave him?. My worry also here is that you state you will not leave. Why?. I am assuming a lot here but he has made you too scared to go methinks by grinding you down to almost nothing repeatedly with his threats and behaviours.

Two women each week in the UK are killed at the hands of their partner.

You do need someone to listen, have you heard of Women's Aid?. Will put their phone number up for you.

MeerkatsUnite · 11/06/2005 08:02

0808 2000 247

Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline

All calls are strictly confidential.

Sax · 11/06/2005 08:12

Jinna - i am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time - you must be very worried and upset. I CANNOT EVER UNDERSTAND a person who hits someone else, however angry, he's obviously got issues he needs to deal with, but you must not allow yourself to be on the end of HIS FRUSTRATIONS - ITS HIS PROBLEM NOT YOURS. I hope you are OK, I shall be keeping an eye on this thread!

Original poster
jinna · 11/06/2005 09:40

just wanted to say thankyou
i just wanted to know that i am not to blame for his behaviour - sometimes i feeli am the ones whose mad- may not reply tothis thread that often as i do not want him to find it- thankyou for your kind words

OP posts:
zebraZ · 11/06/2005 15:42

well it is a bit nuts to stay with a partner who beats you up. NO ONE deserves that. Since you can't change him, he either has to be wiling to change or ... imho, you should leave him.

Branster · 11/06/2005 16:15

you say you have no friends, then who did you go out to the night club with?

the behaviour you describe of your husbasnd is totally unacccetable even towars a dog let aloan a wife!!!

best to get out of there as fast as you can, otherwise when is it going to end? and what will he do next???

dottydaisy · 11/06/2005 19:31

Hi Jinna, you might think that this all sounds over the top and that he really isn't that bad but believe me you only realise how bad they are ubtil you have left them. I was in the same situation as you about 5 years ago, and as i said i didn't realise how awful it was until after I had left him. It isn't just the physical abuse that hurts so much (even if he didn't mark you) but the emotional abuse by calling you horrific names. Nobody deserves that I wouldn't even talk to my dog like that let alone my partner. You probably didn't lie he just has selective memory syndrome, you have a right to a life, a right to be respected and a right to be protected. Please get some help that is what these organisations are here for. I wasted 6 years of my life on someone like this, the first two were ok but after that each one grew progressivly worse. You WILL wake up one day and just won't want to live like that anymore I can only hope for your sake that it is sooner rather than later. I did and I am now in a fantastic relationship with two beautiful children.
Goodluck, please let us know how you are getting on through this thread.

Crazymama · 11/06/2005 20:06

Jinna

Apart from this incident (which is inexcusable), how are things generally?

Can you visualise a time when you will be happy with the way your husband treats you and you feel content and valued in your relationship?

Can I ask why you have said you cannot and wont leave him?

If you have no friends who were you out with at the club? I bet you do have friends!

I am sorry that you are unhappy and hope you find peace soon.

LGJ · 11/06/2005 20:07

Does anyone know who Jinna is ??

Is anyone nearby, I don't like the sound of this ??

gingernut · 11/06/2005 20:12

She lives near Reading (or used to) but I don't know where (I just remember that from a meet up thread).

bigdonna · 11/06/2005 22:42

jinna,you seem veru frightened,is this a cry for help,you say you are frightened to go on the internet in case he sees.do you have children?.hoping u r ok

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