My mother makes me sad

[justsadreally]

My mother is great in a crisis. If I've got an emergency, I can call her and she'll come.

In all other things, she's not so great. She never calls, ever. She never visits. She forgets my birthday, my sibling's birthdays and my children's birthdays. I've come to expect it but it still really pisses me off, especially for the children. My birthday is on the same day as her partners. I called last year to wish him happy birthday and she answered. She told me what they'd done that day etc etc and then she handed the phone over to him without even mentioning that it was my birthday too. It's not like I even want a fucking present, I just want her to take the time to call me and say happy birthday.

I'm not saying she should be on the phone every day or even every week but if I left it to her, I'd never speak to her. My sister has been living abroad for three years and she's called her three times in that time.

The thing that makes me saddest though is her complete lack of relationship with her grandchildren. They are 6 and 7 and told me the other day that they don't like her. She hasn't done anything to make them dislike her, she just doesn't have time for them. What makes it worse is that my MIL is amazing with them and they adore her.

Am I being really petty and pathetic about this? Is it enough that if I really need her, she'll come?

Of course you're not being petty about this. Not petty at all.

Was she always like this, how was she when you were growing up?

DH's dad is like this, never sends card/presents or snything. DH just accepts it, I find it really odd!

Tis a bit odd. I don't think you're being petty. Think it would irk me as well if I'm honest.

She was great on birthdays up to when I was a teenager and my dad died. After that it all stopped. She will randomly buy really nice birthday presents some years and then forget for the next 3 or 4 years.

We all (my siblings) feel the same and one of my sisters is suggesting we talk to her about it but I don't want to hurt her feelings. She didn't have the best example from her mother and maybe she thinks it doesn't matter. It's not like she means it spitefully or is too tight to buy stuff, I really think she intends to do something and never gets round to it.

Oh dear, My Mum makes me sad because she does phone, every night since dh left,just as I get the chance to sit down for five minutes, to say the most useless things like 'am I going to put dh's name on my christmas cards this year.'

She phones her grandchildren every week,and is obsessed with sending a sloppu birthday card.

But, she is no use in a Crisis, and she won't do a thing to help in any practical way.

I guess these poor Mums can't win.Interestingly my Mums behaivour and attitudes changed when Dad died too.

my mother is the same with me, though she does remember my birthday. She's there in a crisis, tho i'd have to go out of my way to let her know I needed her because she never rings. She has virtually no relationship with my DD.

on the other hand, she is a very hand-on granny with my sister's baby, they see each other regularly. Same with my brother.

Doesn't seem fair, really.