Things have been pretty rubbish with dh since dd was born (she's 2 now) - although I thought things were getting better recently. When dd was a baby we used to argue all the time over petty things but recently we've been more civil to each other. There's no intimacy at all though and I am convinced dh doesn't love me anymore - dh is equally convinced I don't love him. If I try and show him any affection he pushes me away to the point where I stop trying. Then he complains that I don't give him any affection but when I point out that he doesn't reciprocate he tells me it's my fault for pushing him away in the past (e.g. while pregnant). We don't talk much and when we do DH often speaks to me as though I'm a complete waste of space - giving me orders and telling me how to do things - I let him get away with it so as not to cause a row. Although sometimes things are ok - if we have an evening out we can have a good chat without winding each other up.
Every so often we have huge conversations about whether we want the marriage to work and we both agree that we do but apparently the onus is on me to change - I try to do what he wants (basically be more thoughtful) but it doesn't seem to make any difference. DH suffers from depression, which doesn't help, but he won't see a doctor or take ad's.
Things came to a head again yesterday when he started yelling at me (he was stressed because dd is teething again and was crying) and then he told me he wanted to leave, he just couldn't work out how to. I don't know whether he meant financially or because he didn't want to leave dd. He's said before that he doesn't know whether he would be with me anymore if it wasn't for dd but this is the first time he's been so blunt about leaving.
I really don't want him to go but I am miserable living like this and I don't know whether I should just accept that it's over. I suspect he wants me to tell him to go so that even that decision becomes my fault as well.
We had another row this morning when I upset him over something minor and he has just rung to apologise.
I'm so confused. More than anything I'm worried about the effect on dd - is it better for her that we stay together and let her think this is the way a marriage should be? Or should we separate? Would that have a worse effect now when she's 2? Or would it be worse if we separated when she's older and able to rationalise more?