Advice on how to ensure marriage survives the toddler years

[whatalongday]

We have 2 children under 2 and life is a bit of a struggle at times. I wonder if anyone has advice as to how to make things better between my husband and I so that we don't lose what we had before the children. I sometimes feel that he is only happy to see DD1 and not much bothered about seeing me or DD2 and I am oversensitive to the silly things he does - he came back from work last night just in time to kiss DD1 goodnight and when he was cuddling her she appeared to be pushing me away (I was standing next to them) and she laughed and he laughed. When we were out the other day she wanted to hold my hand and he said "oh so I am not wanted now" a couple of times -like a lovesick teenager and it really irritates me. We don't cooperate very well and though we are not rowing (been through that stage) there is lowlevel irritation and just not very loving.

What advice does anyone have for surviving the first few years?

The best maxim I've heard about this sort of situation is to "remember that the first child of any marriage is the marriage itself".

So you both need to nurture that "child" and give it (i.e. your relationship) as much love and attention as you can.

Try to have regular child-free time where you can have fun together like you did when you first fell in love.

And keep hold of respect - if you start losing that, it's hard work to regain it.

Relationships do go through peaks and troughs, especially when you have stress like small children - so it's a matter of not losing sight of the bigger gains of family life and keep talking about how to nurture your relationship with dh.

I hope things start looking up for you soon x

"remember that the first child of any marriage is the marriage itself"

I love this! Shame me & DH failed to follow it myself, but still - brilliant advice.

whatalongday, there's a book about just this subject (which i haven't read but flicked through & it looked good): Babyproof Your Marriage.