Have been together 10 years, married for seven.
DH was my first proper long term relationship. I was always quite independent and never one for always needing a man around.
Even on our first date there were a couple of "alarm bell" moments. He made a sarcastic comment because I couldn't read the map and he got really annoyed when he couldn't find his car keys. I remember feeling quite shocked and surprised by his behaviour(especially as it was a first date).
Basically, DH is just like his father. He is charming and good looking. But he can also be hurtful and sarcastic. Over the years, I have fought back and always asked for an apology if he has called me names (including "bitch, miserable cow and c**t"). He doesn't use them very often and they are mostly in the heat of the moment during an argument but I have told him it's not normal or acceptable to be spoken to like that.
He also seems to enjoy telling me to "calm down" when he knows that I hate being told that. Even if I'm trying to talk calmly, he'll say to try and rile me.
We don't really share the same sense of humour. He is very juvenile. We have NEVER really shared a great belly laughed or howled with laughter at ANYTHING the whole time we have been together. I have always relied on my friends for that. I am told that I am funny and have a great personlity but I feel like it's disappearing. I don't even feel like like making an effort with DH. He doesn't laugh at much I say or will say "you think you're so funny don't you?".
We have separate bank accounts. DH pays into my account every month but I'm always overdrawn. He doesn't mind me buying clothes or whatever I want but I feel controlled not having joint finances. He keeps saying he'll sort it out but does nothing. He does give me more money if I need it(I don't ask often as it's not worth the hassle) but always has a moan about it.
Over the years, there have been at least three of four times when I have said I'm off. He always talks me round. I just get to the point where it all builds up and I just can't stand anymore. I feel invisible.
He is very affectionate and our sex life is good. He is always makes me feel attractive and compliments me if we are going out. There is just something missing and if I'm honest with myself, there always was. I don't feel as if he is my soulmate. We bicker constantly and I just feel worn down. Our DS sees this and I desperately don't want him to be affected by it or turn out like his dad.
He is not a bad person. I think I've come to the conclusion, he doesn't realise how he is being and thinks it's normal. He's accused me of exaggerating when I've said he is verbally abusive.
Last night, I had just had enough. He was moaning about all the washing I had to sort out and how I "was never on top of it all". FGS, who is?? He helped me with it but was saying "not many men would do this". I just want him to get off my back. If he wants to help, just do it and stop bloody moaning.
At the moment, I just feel SO SO tired and he told me yesterday "you are a mess". He meant physically, as I've been complaining of feeling tired for years. It suddenly hit me last night, maybe I'm tired because I've had the life sucked out of me. DH DRAINS me when he is around. It's like I've had an epiphany.
This post feels like such a jumble. Not sure if I've put it in any sort of sensible order. If you have read it all and can make out what I am getting at, thank you.
Not even sure what I expect anyone to say. It helps just writing it all down. I know he sounds vile but 75% of the time he is fine. The other 25% of the time I fucking hate him. Is it me? Is it him? Help, I think I going mad. Does anyone else have a similar dysfunctional relationship?