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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Incredibly shallow problem, but please help me.

13 replies

shallowandashamedofit · 04/10/2009 18:00

Hi, I started seeing a new guy just a few days ago, he is kind, considerate, funny, a good dad, nice face, everything is good except for one thing and its putting me off, he is quite overweight, god I sound a bitch, can I overcome this at all?

OP posts:

HappyWoman · 04/10/2009 18:03

I would say you are 'looking' for a reason to not connect with him - it is not because you are shallow but something just hasnt clicked has it? And you are looking for that reason and the only one you can come up with is his weight.
I bet if you did 'click' you would not have noticed that.

Dont worry about it.

chocolatedays · 04/10/2009 18:07

Maybe he comfort eats - and maybe your comfort will enable him to become an adonis. Only one way to find out!

colditz · 04/10/2009 18:15

if you don't fancy him don't botther

ByTheSea · 04/10/2009 18:17

I've dumped or avoided getting involved with blokes for less and TBH this would put me off too (even though I have a tendency to put on a few myself). Either you are attracted or you're not.

Campingqueen · 04/10/2009 18:17

Are you physically attracted to him?

Original poster

shallowandashamedofit · 04/10/2009 18:21

A little, yes.

OP posts:

Original poster

shallowandashamedofit · 04/10/2009 18:32

I think actually, its more his body shape than his weight, he sort of starts big at the top and gets thinner as he goes down, so he looks sort of out of propotion, he is aslo very tall so it stands out more.

OP posts:

Campingqueen · 04/10/2009 18:41

Well, I would say, as you aren't completely mad about him, you should make him a friend for now.

Campingqueen · 04/10/2009 18:58

Physically IYSWIM

I really think that sexual attraction is a very important part at the start of a relationship, if it is lukewarm or absent, the relationship will have sex problems at some point.

rachyh85 · 04/10/2009 19:17

oh crap. same position here, i was hoping something might 'develop'....?

Original poster

shallowandashamedofit · 06/10/2009 14:37

I seem to be getting in more and more of a muddle here, we hardly know each other, yet, he is so farward and serious about everything, he has said things like, he thinks I am the right person for me, he's the happiest man in the world, he cant stop thinking about me etc etc. He has even researched my ds disability and said, well, as we are together I need to learn as much as I can about ds. All this would be lovely a little further down the line, but we have spent just 4 hours in each others company, what the hell do I do, I am not a good talker at the best of times, and dont want to hurt his feelings.

OP posts:

wukter · 06/10/2009 14:43

It's not just the attraction though...I wouldn't be comfortable with that level of intensity so soon. 2 good reasons to back away, IMHO.

freename · 06/10/2009 14:57

Agree with the others and wukter.

If you fancied him you wouldn't be asking in the first place - also I feel a bit creeped out by so much expression so early on. It's like he's rushing you a bit, which is fine if you feel the same but you obviously don't.

When I started out on the path to eh hem grown up relations my good friend said to me 'you just know. If you can't even imagine sleeping with him then forget it'. This helped me alot .

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