SAHM divorcing high earner. Can anyone give me a quick general idea of my entitlement?

[tiredoftherain]

The whole sorry saga is under another thread, but basically H wants a divorce and we're hoping to go through the collaborative law system. He is a high earner and I've been a SAHM since having the dc's.

He's told me that I'm not necessarily entitled to spousal support and that he may only need to split our assets and give me 20% net salary in child support but there is little equity in our home, as it's all been reinvested into the business we own. 20% of even his good salary will go nowhere if I have to relocate, retrain and fund childcare.

What I need to know is what is reasonable to expect in terms of spousal support, given that he will only have the children for 4 days a month. Should he support me for a number of years, until they leave home, or even at all? The eldest has mild SN, and the youngest is barely 2, so I'm going to have a lot of years looking after them and it isn't easy. I can't return to my former well paid job, and will need to retrain before I can start bringing in money. Any help or general advice on what is reasonable would be greatly appreciated so I can be prepared for my next solicitor's appointment.

thanks again for your really helpful advice, wishes and sharing your experiences, everyone. Sorry I couldn't go into more detail but it's fear of being recognised as the true details would quickly identify me to anyone who knew me or H.

abetadad, I think I've misled you into thinking H is a city hotshot on hundreds of k's, he's not quite there, but he's on the way to being CEO of a large company and his earnings potential is considerable, so I don't feel bad for taking what I need to so I can support myself and the children comfortably. Any financial pain he'll feel will be very short term.

I'm now really questioning if collaborative law is the best way to go, as I do fear I'll be persuaded into a settlement. He is being ultra reasonable today, so I'm even more suspicious!!

tiredoftherain- my mistake. I assumed from 'mergers and acquisitions' you meant City. However, pretty much all of what I said still applies for both you and our husband.

It seems the future value of the business is very very crucial here. Even though it is not yet realised. This may sound odd, but I know of couples who stay business partners after divorce. If it is a fast growing business it is possible to extract more value by staying involved for both parties.

Abetadad, that's really useful advice, and I think that would actually be a good compromise. It's complicated as we haven't taken a salary from the business due to income elsewhere, and lots which could have been paying off the mortgage has been reinvested. If I just took the current equity in the house, it's artificially low.

The business equity is also low right now, as there are loan agreements all over for new investments, but in 5 years time it will be completely different as they start to pay for themselves. It's a very stable, and steadily growing business and I'm currently a shareholder, and it might make sense for me to stay that way, even if my initial settlement is lower.

I am aware your DH may be reading this so am being strictly neutral in my observations and based on my own experience of buying and selling businesses as an investor.

Of course, if you did wish to stay in the business as an shareholder investor without day to day control you would need to be sure that any wages or moneis paid out of the business to employees, Directors or suppliers would need to be monitored and audited carefully an rules agreed up front to prevent disputes as in any business partnership. There are also serious tax implictations as a non working spouse partner.

A clean break might involve an initial lump sum payment to you financed by borrowing against the business then a series of stage payments or earn out over say the next 10 years. This is very complex and you both need professional advice.

thanks abetadad, I do hope he isn't reading this!
Who do you think would be best placed to give me advice? Would it be my solicitor (very experienced in big local firm) or do I need more specific financial advice, and who from? We live in the back end of nowhere, so I don't have easy access to experts.

Out of the larger accounting firms BDO Stoy Hayward are best known for their family business practice which involves issues of sucession planning, selling and transfering family businesses as well as valuation and many other aspects that may affect a famly business.

They are generally involved with large family businesses through their London practice but have regional offices too that may be better used to dealing with smaller family businesses.

There is a contact name (Sally Brett) at the bottom of the linked page with an email address - [email protected] .

I do not work for them or used them but know them by reputation so have no conflict of interest in suggesting you give them a call at least to give you a desk top valuation of the business and suggestions of the best way of maximising and realising its value.

They are a fairly large firm and ther fees will be higher than a local accounting firm so use judiciously.