We have slept in separate beds for the last 16 monthsm since baby was born. My head seems clear now, but think I have pushed him away what should I do

[mmiower]

When our baby was born I ended up for a number of reasons sleeping in separate room to babies daddy. He snored a bit and it just seemed easier at the time. He was very put out about this. Would have tantrums sometimes, we had big arguments. I said some really bad things to him. Cant understand why he didnt just run. But he told me he loves me and couldnt leave me and baby. He would get me flowers and say he was sorry all the time. Even though I kept telling him I hated him.

But he stayed and our baby is 15 months old now and baby and I still sleeping in our bed, and he still sleeps in separate room. I do go into his bed for cuddles now and again.

Thing is recently he has started to stay away a lot working. Im getting worried I may have pushed him away to much.

Asked him the other day if he would like to sleep with me in same bed now, he said its been to long and use to being on his own and just walked away from me.

I think messed up the family and driven him away. I dont want to be a single mum. I do love him. What can I do. is it to late? Im so scared I have wrecked it all.

Hmm, doesn't sound good.

Tell him this - you can only be honest-bit late for romantic dinners or something. Go and wake him up and talk.Keep trying if you're certain you want to. Have you had pnd (I'm wondering about the terrible things you said?)?

I think you need to realise that you have basically fallen in love with someone else (your baby) and totally pushed your dh away. Which is pretty rough on your dh. Now you are ready to have dh back and not surprisingly he's not up for it.

Hopefully this can be fixed, but you are going to have to have lots of talking with your dh - move the baby OUT of your room and hopefully your dh will come round.

But it must have been pretty shit for him. Don't expect instant results.

It doesn't sound like this was entirely your fault, if he was having tantrums and starting arguments as well. I do think you should talk to him, book a time or something and say that you want to make things right, what would he like to happen? But don't let him make it all your fault and something you have to apologise for forever.

You made a decision to push DH away despite knowing how hurt he was by your behaviour. No wonder he is angry and reluctant to just fall into your arms.

I think you need to start by acknowledging to your DP that you have behaved badly and apologise.

You need to sit down and talk to him be honest about how you felt in the past and what you want from him now. He sounds like a decent bloke - he stayed with you despite you treating him badly - so hopefully he will want to sort this out.

Good luck