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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My past is coming back to haunt me, my ex's wife is sending me nasty emails! What do I do?!

48 replies

MyExIsACock · 02/10/2009 10:29

Hi, I've namechanged for this, if you rumble me please don't say!

A long time ago in my murky past (waaaay before dh and dc's) I had a one night stand with my ex. It was a stupid thing to do, we were both a bit hammered, had bumped into each other by accident yada yada, I regretted it the next morning and sent him packing and thought no more of it.

Then about 4 months later, I got a text off him saying, "We are pleased to announce the safe arrival of

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 02/10/2009 13:02

I wouldn't explain, I would email her and say that if she threatens you again you will inform the police.

beanieb · 02/10/2009 13:15

Ignore it.

How did she get your email though?

Devendra · 02/10/2009 13:19

Ignore ignore ignore. Anythng you say will be inflamatory to her... she is lookng for a fight, do not give her one. She will eventually get fed up and stop but if you reply then it opens it all up.. Ignore and delete.

starwhores · 02/10/2009 13:22

I would email her and explain that you appreciate she is angry but her beef is not with you, you were not in a relationship with her and didn't know that he was either. You take violent threats very seriously and if they continue you will go to the police. I would keep it very short but serious.

MorrisZapp · 02/10/2009 13:27

Ignore it. Any response at all is just going to escalate the situation.

She was probably drunk and angry when she sent the email, she may well already feel embarrassed.

If the relationships forum here has taught me one thing, it is that in affairs, the OW is always the bad guy. No matter what.

There is nothing you can say that will make her believe otherwise, because to believe you she would have to believe that her DP, and father of her kid, is a complete lying unfaithful c**t. Which she will not believe until she wants to, which clearly isn't right now if she's angry with you.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

fabnewlife · 02/10/2009 13:55

Agree with everyone who said ignore her, anything to say will just inflame the situation. Keep everything on file, think seriously about informing the police, she is threatening/harassing you.

Original poster

MyExIsACock · 02/10/2009 14:28

Thanks for all replies. Just read them all (I was out at lunch).

I was never friends with him on FB, he found me through my email, which was the same email I had when I knew him IYSWIM. He didn't write on my wall or anything, just sent me a private message, which you can do to anyone - assuming they haven't blocked you. I have now set my profile to friends only (didn't realise it wasn't before all this) and as far as he's concerned I don't exist on FB now, as we don't have any mutual friends on there.

I don't really want to change my number, that would be a massive faff, I've had the same number for about 6 years, and everybody knows it.

I was thinking of emailing her something along the lines of, "Dear Crazy Lady, I had no idea that R was married, let alone that you were pregnant. I understand that you are angry and upset, I was too when I found out about the birth of your son, but as a mother myself I have to act in the best interest of my family, and if you contact me again I will be phoning the police."

Or words to that effect, anyway...

OP posts:

Original poster

MyExIsACock · 02/10/2009 14:30

Obviously I wouldn't put "Crazy Lady", I'd use her name!

OP posts:

Campingqueen · 02/10/2009 14:30

She does not know you so will never believe you, so don't even waste the time replying to her emails. By contacting her, you are (in her eyes), trying to justify what you did. You did/have done nothing wrong and this is harassment.

Another vote for dignified silence and keeping every email/noting every contact and going to the police.

Original poster

MyExIsACock · 02/10/2009 14:35

And you know what, all this is bringing back the memories of how fucking cheap and used I felt at the time, when I got the text saying his son had been born. He was obviously thinking along the lines of, "Oh, my wife is fat now, there's that other girl I used to shag, she's obviously up for it, and it's a useful receptacle for my seed."

I feel like her anger is so misdirected. I wonder how many other times he's cheated on her? He certainly cheated on me enough times when we were together - hence why he was an ex to start with. What a massive cock he is. I feel very vengeful - but I won't do anything. I'll just think about what it would be like to toast his testicles on skewers like fucking marshmallows.

OP posts:

slimeoncrazydemon · 02/10/2009 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

slimeoncrazydemon · 02/10/2009 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

MyExIsACock · 02/10/2009 15:00

It was pretty average, shiney. Can't really remember....

OP posts:

Campingqueen · 02/10/2009 15:07

Love "I'll just think about what it would be like to toast his testicles on skewers like fucking marshmallows." Good Idea, I'll get the barbeque going

ScaryFucker · 02/10/2009 17:55

< starts rubbing dry sticks together >

< erects the gazebo and fires up the Chiminea >

Original poster

MyExIsACock · 02/10/2009 19:35

Ging gang gooly gooly gooly gooly watchang ging gang goo ging gang goo....

OP posts:

ScaryFucker · 02/10/2009 19:43

halerrrrrrrrrr

haler, shalerrrrrrrrrrrrr

Jux · 02/10/2009 19:48

DO NOT CONTACT HER. It will only encourage her. Don't get into any sort of dialogue.

DuelingFanjo · 02/10/2009 20:10

can you be certain it's her and not him? I wouldn't respond just incase.

OrmIrian · 02/10/2009 20:14

Fnar at gooly

SolidGoldBrass · 02/10/2009 22:09

ANother vote for keeping the email but not replying. He's probably porking someone else and his wife has just found out, and he's decided to confess All His Sins to throw her off the track of whoever his current OW is.
But none of this is your fault, or your problem. Just ignore the pair of them but if there are any more threats, do report it to the police.

HappyWoman · 03/10/2009 19:07

I would say dont email.
She may well be crazy - or maybe just very hurt at the moment.

My h was a complete cock - and i am sure there were times the ow would have gotten my full anger (she did know about me though). But i wouldnt and still wouldnt believe a word she said to me. And i doubt whether she will really be interested in your side.

Keep quiet and dont fuel her anger in any way. But do keep the emais just in case.

clam · 04/10/2009 16:00

You are under no obligation to discuss your sex life, past or present, with anyone. So there's no need for you to admit/acknowledge any of what happened that night. I think it would be foolish to do so in writing, not that you've done anything wrong. It's their problem, not yours.

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