DP acting like he has PMT - advice?

[LissyGlitter]

My DP is really starting to do my head in. Most of the time he is lovely, but then for no apparent reason he will snap. Just as an example, today our little DD had an injection, so I rang him in my break from uni to see if she was ok or having any reactions or anything. The conversation went like this:

Him: "What?"
Me: "hiya love, just ringing to check if everything is fine before I..."
Him: (interrupting) "I'm busy. Go away."

And then he hung up! With a normal person I would think it was he actually was incredibly busy, but he does stuff like this all the time, slamming doors if I ask him a simple question such as if he has anything planned for tea or should I make something, or tutting and muttering under his breath if I have a brew and leave the cup next to me until I next happen to be standing up (I'm 33 weeks pregnant, so standing up is a bit of an undertaking!) It's bizzarre. Like I say, he is mostly lovely, apart from these little outbursts of acting like a teenager.

What is the best way of dealing with this, should I always confront him (but that would make him defensive and turn it into an argument in front of DD) or ignore it and hope that if I don't react he will learn not to do it.

He's 34, btw, not 4...

Thing is, that's what I was thinking, but if I suggest that, he gets all defensive. I have a tendency to mental illness, and he has been really supportive over the years, but he doesn't seem to think it could apply to him.

This could be a long shot, but he has a history of epilepsy - he is meant to have grown out of it, but I have heard it can cause mood swings, and I'm wondering if that could explain it at all...

It sounds like you need to sit down with him when you are happy and he is calm and have a gentle talk. Tell him you are really worried and tell him you love him and that is why you are worried.

There are a lot of things here that may all be contributing and the epilepsy is just another thing on the list.

Mental illness in men is very big issue that is very poorly catered for by the NHS so you need to push hard on DH to get him to at least address the possibility and give him support if he gets fobbed off. Men in general are also very bad at recognising they have a growing mental health problem - the recession has increased the incidence dramatically due to job losses.

MIND did a campaign about the specific issue of men and mental health partly because of the economic climate and it may be worth looking at their website and getting DP to have a look too. Most of the time your DP sounds like a good man but this erratic swing in moods suggests something more clinical/psychological than him just being a pain.

Thanks. I was worried about posting that everyone would just do the usual of telling me to leave him, but I honestly think it's not him, it's something affecting him. Obviously he shouldn't behave like this, but he is so nice normally that I think something must make him act odd.

I wonder - and this is just going on my experience, not on any medical knowledge - whether he might have some degree of diabetes? Fluctuating blood sugar can trigger some really bad behaviour patterns. Typically, having low sugar levels can result in being extremely short-tempered and ranty, behaviour that just melts away when the person has had something to eat or drink. But if they have something which gives a sudden boost of sugar, rather than a gentle increase, then when the sugar levels later drop they drop too, and crash back into bad behaviour. Alcohol is turned into sugar by the body.

It might be easier for him to go to the doctor about something that could have a physical cause, rather than a mental cause.

"I know it's not his fault, he is having a hard time, but how can i help him if he is constantly attacking me?" He does not want your help, he truly believes none of this terrible bahaviour is his own fault, and he has clearly sold this line to you. You are the one who is having a hard time here. What kind of husband is so impossible to live with that a 33 weeks pg woman has to go and sleep on the settee?

He wakes you from sleep? He is lying about drinking and staying out late even though you are pg and have a small child? He is throwing your belongings around your bedroom? He is trying to horn in on your e-mail and internet activities?

This goes beyond grieving your brother or being stressed out due to unemployment. He is an overgrown toddler, and he is abusing you. Please call Women's Aid. Pregnant women are more likely than others to become targets of domestic abuse.