How do I get over the unfairness of being treated so differently to my siblings whilst growing up?

[oneplusone]

To try and cut a long story short, I grew up with a verbally and emotionally abusive dad and a mother who 'abandoned' me, not literally but in the sense she knew my dad was abusing me but she did nothing to stop him and protect me.

I have 2 younger sisters who my parents treated very, very differently. My dad didn't abuse them and my mother was very protective and close to them.

There have been huge consequences for me as a result of the abuse I suffered during childhood and as an adult until I stopped contact with my parents. I have come a long way in sorting myself out and becoming a healthy and whole person again after the mess my parents left me in.

But all the time I am confronted with the fact that my sisters weren't abused or abandoned like me and as a result every aspect of their life has been so much smoother for them. I have had to work so hard on myself and have struggled with so many problems, including severe health issues, all as a result of my childhood.

I am finding it so hard to accept that due to sheer bad luck and for no other reason, I was the only one singled out by my dad to be abused and the only one my mother effectively abandoned.

My sisters have no understanding of what i went through as a child (there is a big age gap between us so they were too young to remember or even notice how my dad was treating me nor the the fact that our mother was not interested in me) and we are not at all close. But my 2 sisters are very close to each other and constantly leave me out of things and treat me as an afterthought, like an outsider, not an equally valued sibling.

I don't know how to handle this situation. It hurts me everytime i have any sort of contact with my sisters as i am always reminded in some way of how different our childhood's were and as a consequence how different our lives as adults now are.

I have considered cutting ties with both my sisters as sometimes i feel that is the only way i can avoid the constant pain i feel whenever i speak to them or see them. But they are just having their own DC's and cutting ties with them would mean my DC's are deprived of a relationship with their 2 aunties/uncles/cousins.

I would really appreciate any advice/experiences from anybody who has gone through anything like this. I really don't know what to do.

My goodness is all i can say this is so relevant to me and I can totally hear what you are all saying!!!

If there were sides then PLanejane is on this side of the fence definately! I would imagine that she is similar to me. My sister has distanced herself because I am so horrible when in actual fact I am not at all!

She wont talk to me about it, and those who know me, leaving the bridesmaid issue aside she refuse to tell me what i have done. She totally blames me for something and i too have been subject to rages when she is pushed!

There is no fence really as much as she has distanced herself from me as she feels a victim to my behaviuor (whatever that is ) and now I am choosing to distance myself from her, giving up to try and work it out bbecause I am drained, tired of apologising for things i havent done, trying to make her feel better and loved as i know she feels rejection. I cannot try anymore because she does not try to help me, to understand me.

Hope makes sense as im a rush!

sb9 - that does sound like we have similar situations with our sisters!

My sister too has never really told me what I have done wrong, other than a long list of vague and honestly trivial things, such as I didn't send her a birthday card in 2003.

I do think she wants some kind of big apology. But for what, it is sometimes hard to work out. And I also know that, like sb9 has maybe found, that one apology is never going to be enough, and I will end up apologising for ever, and it still won't help.

I spent last week staying with in laws - and they are so laid back about everything, so just accepting of each other - the idea that you would take offence at someone not giving you a present or not inviting you to something would just be ludicrous to them. I don't know how I would even begin to explain about my sister to them, so I jsut never mention my issues with her, I feel kind of embarrassed about the whole thing sometimes.

planejane - are you my twin??? I could have written that ha ha.

My sister said she has always felt rejected by me as when i was 12 i wouldnt walk to school with her??? Plus i reckon she blames me for so much more.

Its all so silly, i mean she called me names when i was a kid and i didnt want too walk to school with her as i was gossiping with my mates. I was 12 for goodness sake.! My dad also said how nasty i was for doing this.

I feel she has always had an issue with me yet puts it back onto me, she is so clever and it is made out that i am the one with the problem. I suppose i finally didnt make it easy for myself when i didnt choose her as my bridesmaid but now feel she finally has something to keep hold of as to why she doesnt like me so much.

I have lovely inlaws to and thy cant do enough for me. I sometimes well up when they put themselves out for me so much. This week i left their house and they had put a magazine and box of chocolates in my bag, how sweet!