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Original poster

'Friend' just made me feel really shit about myself

33 replies

SadApple · 23/09/2009 12:24

a (fairly) regular name-changing here. Friend knows my MN name and may be an Mner herself for all I know.

So she's a fairly close friend of mine -let's call her Claire - our dcs are friends and we have both been doing Weight watchers. She reached her target recently - and looks fantastic, I mean really fantastic (think size 10 Nigella), new clothes, the lot-and I still have a bit more to go but have lost 2 stone and was (past tense!) feeling quite good about it.

Foe some reason we got onto the subject of body shapes; she had been flicking through some mind-numbing mag like Now and mentioned how fucking (her words) glad she was that she had an hourglass shape and that she'd want to kill herself if she was an apple-shape as even if you are a thin apple your body is still such an unattractive and masculine shape

So there's apple-shaped me going red in the face , not knowing what to say but feeling shitola. I know I've mentioned to her in the past what shape I am (it's obvious fgs), even after weightloss my shape remains irresolutely apple and the saddest thing is I think I agree with her, I would love to have her figure.

Maybe I'm being oversensitive but I didn't think friends were supposed to make you feel like this?

OP posts:
LoveBeingAMummy · 23/09/2009 12:29

She wasn't directing it at you just being a bit silly imo.

plantsitter · 23/09/2009 12:30

I am quite sure she wouldn't have said that if she thought of you as an apple shape.

If she did say it on purpose, dump her. Also I'm not sure I could be friends with someone if they would really kill themselves over having a magazine invented body type.

Well done for losing 2 stones! I'm sure you look fab.

WinkyWinkola · 23/09/2009 12:34

Wow. You've lost two stones? That's brilliant. Well done. I'm very very impressed.

You've worked so hard and done so well and you're going to let some stupid body shape as dictated by some moronic magazine ruin it all for you?

What the feck is an apple body shape? And who says it's unattractive? Who decides these things?

I just don't see the point in beefing about it - you're losing weight to be fit and strong and you'll look amazing and feel amazing. Don't let the idiots get to you. Tell them to sod off, whoever they are, pull your shoulders back and be proud of yourself.

Your friend is just buying into the crap hype that the fashion world generates to make women feel rubbish about themselves.

BettyTurnip · 23/09/2009 12:35

I think she's feeling very smug at having reached her target weight and is engaging mouth before brain.

Well done for the weight loss: you have more will power than me, I managed to stick at WW for a mammoth two weeks

Original poster
SadApple · 23/09/2009 12:41

thanks for all the kind words, I don't really believe she said it with intent to wound.

She does read too many of those magazines I think

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 23/09/2009 13:51

Apple shape - oh please. No doubt the article was accompanied by models (tall, thin) illustrating these so called body shapes.

I was informed by a friend that I have a square face and she has a heart shaped face. Cue hours spent staring in the mirror, trying to find the four corners of my face.

Blame the mags, not a throwaway comment by your pal. What guff.

electra · 23/09/2009 13:58

She probably doesn't see you as an apple shape - and anyway apple shapes have their advantages - good bottom and slim legs (that I have observed).

I'm an hour glass and if weight goes on me it goes on my hips which is a PITA and affects the clothes I like to wear. It's swings and roundabouts really, and finding the clothes that suit your individual shape

Original poster
SadApple · 24/09/2009 08:25

lol MorrisZap, did you ever find the four corners of your face?

There's some truth in what you say electra, I do have good legs/bum whereas 'friend' struggles with untoned thighs and cellulite, I'll try to remember that if the hourglass/apple debate comes up again!

OP posts:
LoveBeingAMummy · 24/09/2009 08:27

I have found lots of people who ahve lost weight become very bitchy very quickly!

2rebecca · 24/09/2009 09:10

Most of the apple shaped people I can think of are very overweight and small with thinnish legs and a very rounded body.
It doesn't sound as though you are that shape as just because you don't have an hourglass figure it doesn't mean you are apple shaped. I think really having a round body shape is quite unusual. I suspect that although you think of yourelf as a bit rounded your friend doesn't at all and had these short very dumpy people in mind.
There were a couple of them at my kids primary school and my daughter once referred to them as the "ball shaped mummies" as they tended to chat together.

AvengingGerbil · 24/09/2009 09:13

Glad the unacceptably dumpy round mummies know better than to try to talk to 'normal' thin people, 2rebecca

AnotherBloodySugaBabe · 24/09/2009 09:14

Focus, focus: You have lost TWO STONE! That's HUGE news. Congratulations!

Ignore friend's thoughtless comment (sure she didn't mean to be such a twit) and go and buy yourself a large skinny latte to celebrate

Grisette · 24/09/2009 09:19

I'm an apple shape. Bet you have fab legs a small arse and great boobs. At the risk of sounding like the grusome twosome, dress to suit your shape! ( and well done on the 2 stone, that's great)

2rebecca · 24/09/2009 09:19

I was just saying what they did. Assume you have perfect kids who never make personal comments on other people. I suspect if there were a group of tall thin mummies who chatted together they'd have got a name.

thedollshouse · 24/09/2009 09:25

She is talking rubbish. I am am an apple shape, at the moment I am pregnant and overweight so I don't look great. At my slimmest I certainly don't have a "boyish" shape, in fact when "apples" slim down it is hard to recognise them as apples because once the tum goes you have a defined waist and a great figure!

Bramshott · 24/09/2009 09:29

WTF is an apple shape? It's like you're all talking a different language!!

thedollshouse · 24/09/2009 09:45

Bramshott ,apples tend to put on weight around their tummies and boobs. Usually have fairly slim hips, small bum and slim legs. I had never had a defined waist but when I lost a lot of weight my waist became a lot more defined and I lost my apple shape.

Lizzylou · 24/09/2009 09:49

I am an hourglass shape, well I was pre-dc, am sure it's in there somewhere!
Have to say that I agree with those who say apple shapes tend to have amazing legs and bums, even at my slimmest I have wide hips and thighs.
I don't think that she thinks of you as an apple, otherwise she wouldn't have said it, unless she is mega bitch from hell. In which case just dump her!

MarshaBrady · 24/09/2009 09:58

The part about apple and pear is rubbish.

The question is, was it a considered dig to make you feel like crap, despite or maybe because of your excellent weightloss?

Or just oblivious to your shape?

If the latter then just dismiss as tosh.

Bramshott · 24/09/2009 10:08

Ahhh [still bemused]!

OscarByTheSea · 24/09/2009 10:40

Your friend sounds a bit shallow if she spends her time thinking over the contents of silly magazines such as now. Maybe it was just a throwaway comment, not directed at you personally.

Congratulations by the way and, as stated above, apples always have the best legs

plantsitter · 24/09/2009 11:03

Perhaps next time you could accidentally refer to her 'egg-timer shape' which sounds much less glamorous imo.

Original poster
SadApple · 24/09/2009 11:20

thanks again for all the feedback, this is why I love MN.

Thinking about it now it was probably the implication that you can't look 'feminine' that got to me, although I suspect she engaged her mouth before her brain and may be kicking herself now. She is otherwise a lovely person honestly.

I'm definitely apple though, there's not much difference between my waist and hip measurements. Maybe when I lose another stone to reach a comfortable size 12 (fingers crossed) I may have a bit more of a defined waist...

Or is that wishful thinking after 3 dcs?

OP posts:
warthog · 24/09/2009 11:26

well i'm an hour-glass shape and i'd much rather be an apple shape! my legs are awful and it's tiring always having to wear long skirts and trousers. i'd love to wear a short skirt (being anything above the ankle!).

don't let her get to you. i'm sure she hadn't engaged brain before mouth and is deeply regretting it. she's probably started a thread somewhere asking how to rectify things.

AitchTwoToTangOh · 24/09/2009 11:29

och, but having a defined waist isn't the be all and end all of femininity in any case, imo. she's just being daft and all hyped-up cos she's just achieved a real goal for her. she'll settle down (just in time for you to become a twat when you reach your goal ). congrats to both of you.