Am I entering nervous breakdown territory?!

[whoamearthamI]

SO DAILY MAIL DO NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT QUOTE THIS. Thank you.

H and I split up last Nov, he moved out beg of this year. ALready happened previously as well , about 1 year before.

He wasn't happy, we were two different people, blardy blardy blar.

I took him back, stuffed all my feelings aside. Bravely got on with it.

Anyway, he obviously wasn't very happy and we broke up in Nov. He is very busy with courses, work etc and been away travelling, so I have been left looking after our DD on my own and feeling very angry and responsible and tired.

Now I'm having counselling which is helping, but I am suffering from depression and anxiety, which I am trying to deal with myself. I'm starting to get pains in my chest, (anxiety) and one day last week got to the point where I said, "ENOUGH" I can't do it anymore. Everything is too much.

And things started to unravel from there. I'm questioning everything about my life, what I'm doing, where I'm at, my faith (he used to blame that on part of the problem - however he USED to be religious too). It's all too much. At best I feel tired and worn out. At worst I feel suicidal.. However my daughter keeps me going.

The worst thing is my brain never switches off....it just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and the thoughts keep coming and coming and I can't get a break, it's like a dripping tap - well a running tap actually. Sometimes I wish I could step out of my brain. Shut it off. I can't.

And to top it off, he is the only one who understands me. He gets where I am coming from and I understand him. BUt the problem is not me, it's him. He can't work out what he wants in his life, he loves his family, his child, he's got pictures of me up in his flat. But why is he doing this to my head?

We are still attracted to each other. We still get on. But if I suggest anything like sorting out this mess he runs a mile. I can't take it much longer but I know he wants to be part of a family. He's just so screwed up. What do I do?

look after yourself - that's all you can do. have you been to GP? how would you feel about anti depressants? they helped me enormously a few years ago when I felt very similar. Another thing I have found really helpful are some mindful techniques I learned from this book

please look after yourself - you must. once you are back feeling more like the old you you can tackle the rest

I know, I know. I've been prescribed them but I don't want to take them.

It's just....I don't know. Crap my life is so rubbish. I can't find any clarity.

I understand falling down, breaking down. I get it. I'm there.

No one can pick me up but me. Thats it.

Take the pills.. they wont work if you don't take them. Concentrate on you not him.

Aah bless you.

You've obviously had a lot on your plate. I think the other comments are right you need to take the anti-depressants as they will help you get some clarity. If you dont your'e going to get worse and you need to be strong for your child.

Theres no sin in taking these pills, its life unfortunately but just see it as short term for now. Have you got any family that can help you out or perhaps a babysitter so you can get some time for you?

Hugs

You do need to take the pills. They will help you get your head a bit straighter and then the counselling will be more effective too. In my limited experience, the pills help deal with the here and now and the counselling deals with handling things better in the future. You need both.

Sounds like your H could do with some anti-d's as well but he isn't your responsibility. It you feel so bad you need to sort yourself out first then deal with the rest.

Anti-depressants are not shameful or "bad" - they just allow you to get back to being "you" again. But don't expect instant results, it can take a couple of weeks before you begin to feel the benefits.
Don't be hard on yourself.

I'm with the others - antidepressants can raise your mood to a level where you can begin to sort out your problems - when you are so low and just functioning you are not in a great place to view what you want and what you have to do objectively or with energy.

You deserve to be as happy as you can so you need to look after yourself.

There is no shame whatsoever in taking antidepressants and they are usually a fairly short term treatment.