Desparate Mum, wot can I do?

[laurasarah]

Am so f*** off.

Got two kids 8 and 5 hubbie (working away at the moment but hopefully not too much longer) no support as 200 miles from family and friends. Working school hours (so when I'm not with the kids I'm at work and visa versa).

Feel trapped, depressed, resentful not too mention the fact that when dh is there is iritates the shit out of me. Should I just end it all and be done with it? Does anybody else out there feel the same?

[GypsyMoth]

well,yes,think we all feel a bit like this from time to time!!

[GypsyMoth]

you mean end your relationsship??

[groundhogs]

Bless you, any chance you could take even an afternoon off? You need a breather. Go get your hair/nails/whatevers done.... Some time that is JUST for you?

If money's gonna rule that out, then an afternoon off, and a home spa treat... long soak, nails and a face pack... with a bottle of something in the fridge for when the DC have gone to sleep...

We all feel like that from time to time... hence my nickname....

You're frazzled, be your own best friend and take care of you for a little while!

Hugs

[laurasarah]

Groundhogs

I said that to my buddies the other day. Feel like everyday is groundhog.

Thanks for the advice. I'm pleased I'm not the only one who feels like that. It's as if at times I resent the kids for changing my life and that feels wrong, bless them its not their fault. But, I never expected to be in a position where I didnt have any parental support ever (they have all died within the last 10 years really young) so yes it has been tough.

I hear what your'e saying I know I need a break. I wish I could just go for a nice long walk with my hubbie but without the kids. Selfish right?

Tiffany

Yes ending relationship cos not sure why I'm so unhappy but have felt like this for a long time now. He just seems to iritate me all the time?

Yes I did

[GypsyMoth]

he probablly irritates you because you have resentment building up,he's not there,you are...his life has stayed samr,yours has changed,etc,etc

i know how you feel...my mum died couple of years ago. i'm single parent to 5 dc,tho youngests dad is around a bit to help. the other 4 i'm literally on my own with. no family nearby etc etc...its hard,but as groundhogs said,time out is essential

you also need to talk to your dh.

[moondog]

I've been either at work or with my kids for the last 8 years as my dh works abroad for weeeks on end. My kids are the same age as yours too and my family away.

I don't feel trapped or pissed off though.
I organise some time away from them as I have a babysitter, so i get to aerobics twice a week or occasionally have a day off.

Could you organise something like this?

[laurasarah]

Hi Moondog

Thanks for your comments.

I have got a babysitter who sits one night a week as I go running with a club but as for a day off cant remember when was the last time I did this.

If I had a day off it would be left to my hubbie to have the kids and as hes away Monday to Friday and then just back for weekends its hard to just say right I'm off now then see you later! Besides I really do enjoy spending time with him (a little more time with him alone would be good).

How do you cope with your hubbie being away for weeks at a time. Whats your coping mechanism and how do you have a day off, whos has the children?

PS I know I'm crap without him I seem to fall to pieces (have had some counselling for this, thinking maybe I should go back and get some more)!

XXX

[laurasarah]

ILoveTiffany,

Thanks for your kind words.

Would it be reasonable then to say to him right this Saturday I'm going off for the day? Anyway where would I go and what would I do? Not a lot of cash and dont really feel like walking or anything like that by myself.

Whats your coping mecahnism?

Its so nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

XXX

[GypsyMoth]

i cope by making time for myself. just a bit here and there. if i get the chance i like to go for a coffee and sit outside and just watch the world go by...or a look in the library,go round the shops. cinema? i am happy to go alone to watch a film.

a stroll round the shops....but can find that depressing with no money!!

a walk with my ipod on....exercise is mood lifting,and this is my fave time of year.

i sometimes sneak a go on my sons xbox or the playstation too. with no kids around shouting instructions at me.

i have a bath,take a book in there and stay put for ages.

go to top of the garden for some quiet time...can't hear the phone or door.

i would consider saying to him that you need a bit of a break,see if he suggests anything. if it comes from him,then thats better. he's recognising that you need time off too. if he doesn't suggest it then you just tell him. don't know what others think??

[laurasarah]

Thanks IloveTiffany

I suppose what I am saying is then that I need to spend more alone time with my hubbie to sort of reconnect if you like.

Will think about those suggestions though. I dont think I like spending time on my own (ie not happy with my own company) is the problem.

Will keep ya posted!

Hugs

XXX

[moondog]

If he has been alone all week, it is entirely reasonable for him to take sole charge of kids on some days. During the week it isn't sole charge anyway, as they are in school.

Similarly wanting time alone at the w/end is reasonable.

They are 5 and 8 now so not too difficult. You say you run. How about another run? My aerobics and trips to gym/runs outside keep me sane.

Re time off, the cinema is a great favourite for me or just a day at home, sorting the house and keeping on top of things with space to think keeps me feeling calm.

I don't get a lot of time alone with my dh as he is away so often I want to be with him when he is home and he wants to be with the children.

But you could still manage a night out couldn't you?

[Othersideofthechannel]

Can you have a day off from work when the children are in school? I do this twice a year - one for Christmas shopping (they still believe in FC) and once for ME.

[laurasarah]

Moondog

Yes it is sole charge cos when they are at school I'm at work and when I'm not at work I'm with kids. You seem very in control. How many days a week do you work!

Yes the occassional night out is not a problem but babysitting costs can get quite high.

Yes they are 8 and 5 and yes it is getting easier the older they get but ny two are very active children (ie 8 year old still awake at 10 pm last nite). So as you can see not as easy as all that!

So how do you get time to yourself in the house who takes them away from you?

[laurasarah]

othersideofthechannel

That sounds good but I only get 11 days holiday a year as I am only school hours and I have to keep days for when kids are on hols.

This may be something I will have to think about for next year!

Thanks for your support and advice.

[moondog]

I work f/t and i have a business and I am doing an MSc. I don't get much free time but I choose to keep busy.

You need ot take some time off when your kids are not at school. Do yo have a firend where you could take it in turns to have each other's kids for a day?

[laurasarah]

My my you are a busy lady moondog. Not sure how you do it!

The only way I would be without my kids from time to time would be:

a) if hubbie had them
b) if they were both at friends for t after school night (the chances of them both being at someone elses house for t on the same day is slim).
c) if member of the family were visiting and they could look after them.

None of these happen that often.

[moondog]

Well a.) is going to be the easiet to manage so get it sorted!

My situation isn't perfect and it as been very very hard and stressful at times, but there are other advantages (more money as dh works abroad, periods of unpaid leave when the children and I can be with him in various countries) so it's a case of weighing it all up.