Friendships after kids

[SamMitchell]

Had a conversation with a single, childless friend yesterday which really got me thinking.

She accused me of having no time for her, hardly ever calling her anymore and just not making the effort.

I didn't even know where to begin with defending myself. Should I start with the fact that I struggle to fit it all in? That in between full time work, keeping the house from descending into a shit tip, making sure my husband doesn't feel neglected, looking after two kids (one with SN) and working my way down the ever-expanding list of Things To Do, I barely have time to sleep let alone check in regularly with high maintenance friends?

In the end, I didn't bother. I said I was sorry she felt that way, heard her out, mumbled a few half hearted words about trying harder to see her more regularly, and then hung up feeling mightily fucked off.

Advice please? How do you manage the change in friendships when you have kids and they don't and you are both just worlds apart in your every day lives and expectations of friendships...?

BalloonSlayer - I have sooo experienced this, with the longtime (ex-)friend I describe below. Yep, cooking lunch for her, always going to her place, lots of organic teddy bears and the like bought by me for her kids, ceding her the moral high ground and the tiredness prize at all times.

From her to me - no effort whatsoever.

Anyway, as I said in the previous post the friendship was running out of steam, slowly, over a long period - but nonetheless it all still rankles a fraction. Never mind!

Actually I have a different perspective.
How long does it REALLY take to make one phone call a week or so? Do you really not have time to make a ten minute call in the evening? ( I am a working parent too. .)

Maybe the single and childless friend is having a hard time/ feeling lonely/ in need of a chat.

If you were a genuine and caring friend then you'd 'find' the time, simple as.

Also, you never know what can happen in your own life, when you might need that friendship yourself. You might be the one with busy full days and a husband etc. now but what if your marriage broke up? Or when your kids have flown the nest etc etc. Point I'm trying to make is, real friendships should be for life through all the ups and downs.

It's worth making the effort now even if you are lucky enough to have such a full life.