I am here with my mother and so angry i could hit something

[worried27]

She gets me so fucking mad that talking to her just doesn't get through.
she's been out for a drink and since coming back has had another 3 cans. she's started on the regular diatribe of slagging off my dad, but now she's turned on me. she's accused me of 'screwing half of london' (I've dated 2 guys this year, full stop), is talking over me, and is generally being a fucking cow. sorry to swear but she drives me up the bend. I've never had the friendly mum daughter relationship because she's always so contrary, everything i do is wrong, everything i want to do is a bad idea. i just got made redundant and now she's slagging me off saying i can't hold down a job.
tomorrow, sober, she'll act like nothing's happened. if she hates my dad so much why doesn't she move out! cos staying here she doesn't have to pay a penny of course, he pays for everything. god there are so many issues here i just want to scream at her!! but then i know she'll have won. sorry for rubbish punctuation but i'm hammering this out on my phone. she is never happy, always obstinate, she's a fucking pain! if i ever have a baby girl i swear things with be SO different.

Taping her in such a manner will be counterproductive and add further to her paranoia. She's concerned enough about wire taps as it is. This cannot be worked out in such a manner, you can only help your own self here.

Seek help and support for your own self instead; find somewhere other than their residence to live in. Do NOT return back home as you will rue the day you did so if you do. You'll end up becoming responsible for the two of them.

If you're doing a masters, does the college or uni offer any counseling services? Your parents seem like the proverbial drowning man -- they will pull you under if you attempt to save them, unless you go in well armed first. I would say your priority should be to find somewhere else to live. Look under every stone; even sharing somewhere grungy with sane people would be better for you.

That's rough, have little experience in this directly, just wanted to tell you that you are not in the wrong at all, and to wish you all the best!

I just wanted to echo what others have said. Don't go back. I went back after my first degree for financial reasons amongst others and it was a real low point in my life- I ended up as my parents skivvy and also putting up with their alcohol-fuelled rages. I would never spend another night in their house again.

I agree try the uni channels for counselling, or a referral from GP would give you an assesment, and they may be able to suggest some good charity-run counselling.

Good luck.

Poor you, you seem to be between a rock and a hard place. I would also advice against moving in with your parents. If you are going to do a masters, can you find student accommodation? Can you apply for a student loan? Grant? Can you find a flat share with students, or a live in au pair position? (Some childcare in exchange for bed and board, and a little pocket money)

I really can't afford to live anywhere other than home - there I have free bed/board/no bills etc. But I will see if the uni has a counselling service.

It sounds weird but it is only dawning on me that YES my mum does have a problem, NO this is not normal behaviour, saying my dad has planted cameras and wire taps is NOT normal, accusing your daughter of 'screwing half of london' is NOT normal, calling your daughter daddy's prostitute is NOT normal...

your mother does sound unwell although my dad once accused me of trying to go through the entire construction industry [ sad] which I thought was a vile thing to say.

He is not mentally ill though. still possibly
rather toxic though!!

Hi worried27

re your comments:-

"I really can't afford to live anywhere other than home - there I have free bed/board/no bills etc".

This may be so but you also have there a drunken paranoid mother and a father who has acted as a selfish bystander and enabled her all her life. Both are toxic parents and as such have let you down completely. You will end up being responsible for them both if you return. You will be the adult and they the children.

"But I will see if the uni has a counselling service".

Good. You check first thing on Monday. They likely do have such a thing.

You've had a lifetime of hearing all these things that your Mother has come out with, no wonder you have regarded it as "normal" because you have not known anything else.
Please read "Toxic Parents" - there are excerpts online too.

You are set on returning home. Can you study elsewhere? Like in a library? If you spend your time getting angry with your mother it will be difficult to study quietly. I don't know about you but I need a clear head to study!

Your place of learning should be able to point you in the right direction for funding for students' living expenses.

You have lived in a toxic environment for all of your life, it would be good for you to distance yourself but it's clear you are unable to at present.
That's not unusual. Anyway, Good luck.

Does the uni have jobs for needy students in exchange for housing of some sort?