This is a dilemma and stock replies will be along the lines of, "Grow a pair and tell him NO". But, bear in mind this is the man I've left after 7 years of domestic abuse so I can't press him too much, can't 'stand up for myself', can't argue my point or reason with him, because any of those options will escalate and might involve physical consequences or the police, both of which I've tried to avoid by leaving him.
But I still need a solution to this particular problem today.
He is visiting his baby and toddler and is staying with us. He has driven us to local parks, playbarns, theme parks, etc. and also driven me to Tescos 2 or 3 times for food shopping. He's driven 200 miles to us.
He wants to charge me for his fuel driving here from his home and back, for all the daytrips with the kids and the Tesco food shopping trips.
I wouildntr dream of charging anyone to stay in my home as a guest, but whilst here he is using my electric, heating, hot water and has used up nearly all of my mobile broadband limit for this month. I've also paid for all his food, pints whilst out on day trips, park entry fees and parking, etc, packed lunches and son on.
I realise his being in my home is neglible cost-wise, but because I've paid for everything else, can't that negate the fuel charges, for what were after all, trips for his children to spend quality time with them? He is adding it up to around £90.
I can't refuse outright before you suggest, as he will sit me in front of the PC and do an online bank transfer or if I pretend to forget the password he'll take me to a cashpoint. If I refuse to do those, he will get angry, fuming mad in fact, and I could end up getting very hurt, not to mention the danger to my children.
I can't call the police, as I privately rent in a good neighbourhood and my landlord lives next door, I've already been evicted from 2 previous houses because the landlords witnessed his behaviour, I simply can't go through that again by having police round.
I do have family here, and I can ask them for help, which means asking them to come round whilst I discuss it in front of them, but as soon as they're gone, he'll launch into me. Or they can insist he packs up there and then and leaves, but it will be a grisly scene whilst he takes an hour to do so (he has bought lots of stuff since being here, heavy electrical items that are heavy to carry).
Does anyone have any other ideas of how to get out of paying him without making him angry or causing a scene? I have to be underhanded and careful. Yes, I know I left him to avoid exactly trhis, but I never considered that when he visits his children he's just going to bring all that old life with him..
I know the answer is next time don't let him stay, he can get a hotel, but he won't do that, so it means his children would never see him again.