I am seriously thinking of writing my mother a letter

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

If I write the letter and don't send it will I feel like I have wasted time and energy? Don't have enough of either as it is.

If I write, whether I send or not, won't it just make me have to think of awful things and upset me unnecessarily?

If I write and send it won't it just open a huge can of worms if she replies via my MIL? I have written and told her to leave me alone after she threatened to get access to my children, this was after I had found out she had been talking to my MIL. [very hurt]

I feel I need to do something but don't know what.

Part of me wishes she had never had me.

I think writing it down is a good idea, whether you send it or not. Writing down all your feelings can be cathartic and the letter need never go anywhere. It may be enough on it's own.

Then you can file it away somewhere or even bin it, but if you feel you need to send it, then maybe you should, but be prepared for a response and what it may or may not lead to.

write it down and hold onto it for a few weeks until you're absolutely certain about what to do. it will not be a waste of time and energy. it will give you an opportunity to work through how you feel and with any luck, be a bit cathartic. even if you end up burning it, i think it will help you.

I am pleased I feel angry as it is progress but I hate the energy used in doing so.

think of it this way. you are spending quite a bit of energy seething about it. you've started a couple of threads (i think?) and are giving it quite a lot of time in your head. doing this may help to reduce the hold it has on you. it might actually only take an hour. and if you get fed up half way through, so what? stop. you don't owe anyone this except maybe yourself. you're not answerable to anyone on this, only yourself. what do you want to do?

The anger had eased off a bit but then I was thinking about it again today though I don't really know why.

I think its a good idea to write it. its not a waste of energy. good to work through things and articulate things if only to yourself. (probably better not to send it for now. can always think of another one later.)

My counsellor advised that it is really good to write a letter as it helps you process your feelings and move on. Also he said to maybe write 2 versions - one you could show someone and one where your deepest feelings were in it but you would never show it to anyone - that way your deepest feelings can have a voice. I have shown my first letter to someone but have never sent it.

I can so empathise with the MIL and Mother ganging up against you - mine have done that

And I wish I had had a different mother - but not that she had never had me at all IYSWIM