Please tell me this will be ok?

[Molliesmum]

Hi, I really needso me help and advice! Split up with my husband of 7 years in June. I met someone else at work who was fantastic and I totally fell for. I have a daughter of 2.10 and her dad has never been very good with her and my marriage has not been a happy one. I was so stupid because even though I moved out I could not take that final plunge and really commit to the guy from work even tho I love him. It was just too soon. He said he couldn't take any more and finished it. Now I am staying back in our house with my husband because I feel as if I'm cracking up and don't feel strong enough to be alone. I have been put on anti depressants and it is hard for me to get up each day I am so sad. I do not love my husband in a romantic way but he wants me back even tho he knows I love someone else. I know I should give it a try but I want to be with someone I truly love like this guy I met. Now I've had those feelings I don't think I can go back. I've lost all my friends and not going back to my husband will mean being totally alone with my daughter. There is no way back with the guy in work. What should I do, I'm desperate? PLease help, I need a friend! x (sad)

Having a real set back and fed up few days ladies. AARGH! When will this get better!

Hello there.

I just read through, you have to stay focused on what you're doing and why. You will have down days, but be fair, you had them with your husband too right?

Give yourself time, focus on the 6 months lease thing, see how you feel then. You really sound like you need some headspace to sort out what you are looking for and you can't do that when you're in 'wifeandmother' mode and constantly reminded of someone else's feelings.

FWIW you sound like a nice person, you'll get there.
xMad

Hi Molliesmum.
Unfortunately I'm too far away to meet up - I'm way down South!!
See how far you have come since you first posted - you've made a new friend, moved in on your own and you seem altogether stronger in such a short space of time.
You are bound to wobble and have bad days, but hang onto that feeling of empowerment you had when you moved in.
Good luck

Yeah! What Ginny said as well.
xM

Yes you are right! Thanks, I thought that the other day. I was feeling so much better about guy from work but every time we have any contact even about official work stuff it just sets me back! He really selfish cos before my night out with girls on sat he texted and said 'hope you have a good night' what a pig! Thing is he wants to stay in touch as friends on facebook and stuff but I can't do that. I mean, why do I want to know what he is up to every weekend, it would kill me! Fact that he can be friends means he is totally over it. How can men be so cold! But yes, about the house, I'm fine there. Me and dd are really okay and meeting lots of new people and we are getting on fine. My husband still pushing me for a decision but I really can't do anything until my feelings for this other guy have gone, if they ever do. I'm wondering if I should change my number? I mean I don't think he will contact me unless its about work but in that case, he can contact my company number can't he? It's just a pain changing your number but although I would love to be friends, I just can't do it at the minute without getting my hopes up every time. Mad, the down days are not because of the house or being alone, just cos I miss this stupid stupid bloke!! AArgh. Thanks tho, I don't feel like a nice person. Being called selfish by lots of family members at the moment! Thanks so much for your replies, you all really helping! xxx

He might not be as over it as you think. He might want to stay friends as a way of keeping you dangling and if you stay on FB he'll also know what you are up to!!
I'd cut contact as far as you possibly can while you have some time to yourelf.
And ignore the family members - you are not selfish at all.
z

Youe family sound like a right bunch of charmers

An affair might not be the best way for a realtionship to end but sh*t happens and people make mistakes and don't always act in the "ideal" way when they are confused and unhappy. Do they really think you should waste the rest of your life with someone who was not making you happy just to be unselfish

Guy you got involved with sounds a bit immature - but he will have had a difficult time too. Move on with your life and try to forget him as best you can while you still work with him (hide him on FB etc) and concentrate on making yourself happy and your life enjoyable. If it is meant to be with him it will work out and if it is not, you will have moved on and be over it anyway. In time you might thank the experience you had with him for helping you to decided to move on from a relationship with your H which was no longer making you happy.

Chin up.

Thanks so much everyone you are great. I just want to point out tho that nothing happened with me and guy from work until I was separated. Aaargh after i posted yesterday he bloody texted me again. He texts me about work but to my personal number and then I get drawn into pointless conversation. I've been really brave and told him that if he needs to contact me for work to do it via my e-mail or company mobile not my personal one. Cheeky git texted back and said I was being stroppy.I have tried so hard to be friendly and keep things as friends but its stopping me going forward so why I am I being stroppy by saying that? I replied saying'I'm not, I'm just being realistic' He then texted me saying 'I bet you wish I was dead don't you?'. I know I should have ignored that but I text back and said' Don't flatter yourself, I think you're incredibly selfish but I am not the type of person that would wish anyone dead.' What the hell must go on in his head when he thinks I would wish him dead, what a terrible thing to say.I think deep down he knows he has made a mistake but he is too stubborn to budge on it but he wants to know that I am still there hanging on wanting him.I mean that is the third time this week he has tried to start a texting conversation but as soon as I say somethinghe doesn't like he just stops texting or he decides he has texted enough and then I don't hear from him from a couple of days, probably when he is bored. He is totally wallowing as well. I don't no what is wrong with him but he says he is in a bad place, feeling really bad but won't say why. I'm tired of these games now. If he texts my personal phone again I'm changing my number cos I can't keep havinh my heart broken by someone who doesn't have a clue what they want! Do you all think this is mind games? How immature saying about wishing someone dead, I mean for god's sake!!

oops sorry - Even less reason to be judgemental then! Lots of people get into new relationships quickly as a way to take their mind of things.

I think there are a lot of guys around who like these texting relationships - flirting and at a distance. That plus the "you wish I was dead" comment = definitely immature.

That's okay! I just didn't want everyone to jump on me cos they thought I had an affair! lol. Although I would say in my mind I had started to think about it. That's why its very hard to know if we split up for right reasons although sometimes I wonder if you would notice other people if things were ok? Obviously you then have a choice whether you act on it. Gald you think that's immature too. I mean that's the kind of thing a kid says isn't it. I haven't ever heard an adult say that before and I would go mad if my daughter said it and she's 3! He obviously doesn't know me at all!

I'm really having a bad set back week.Got drawn into another conversation on Friday when I was doing well not responding. Now he is telling me how bad he feels. Surely if that was the case he would be beating my door down? I said this and he came back with 'what would that achieve?'Its now 7 weeks since I saw him, I have have have to move on.Does anyone know how on earth you move on? This is so stupid, not a teenager why am I behaving like one?! This is really getting me down now. Just miss him so much and can't imagine finding anyone that even comes close. This the hardest thing I've ever had to do and yet I'm angry with myself because so many people have real serious problems like sick children so why am I making such a fuss? Need some of your great advice again! x

hello!! oh dear i am sorry to hear you have had a bit of a setback
i wish i had some more advice to give to you but all i can say is he sounds like an immature, mind-game-playing IDIOT who does not deserve the time and emotional energy you are giving him!!
you hit the nail on the head when you say that if he really does feel that bad he would be "beating your door down" - i assume he knows where you live etc so if he was THAT bothered about winning you, he would not just be half heartedly texting you occasionally. i mean, even having text conversations is a bit of a juvenile way to go about things, if he was any kind of man he would speak to you face to face or at least actually ring u.
to be honest with u hun if it was me i would be changing my number. because if you keep in contact you are NOT going to move on, its just fanning the fire!!! i recommended the book "he's not that into you" to another girl on here the other day - i honestly swear by it, go and beg borrow or steal it and i tell you what it will make things crystal clear for you. as i said to the other girl - its my dating bible (well it was when i was dating haha) and just brilliant!!
when you say you miss him and can't imagine finding anyone else like him, look at what you are actually saying, you're pining over someone who makes you miserable and uncertain and you don't know where u stand!! why do you miss him?? there are loads and loads of good men out there who WON'T make you feel like that!! grrrr i can't stand men who mess women around, can u tell i have known a few like that myself!!
and in answer to your question "how do you move on" the answer is TIME, TIME and more TIME!! and finding other things to occupy your self and your mind. such as, enjoying the time with your little un, seeing friends, flirting with other men, doing whatever makes YOU happy that doesn't involve him! and every day that goes by it will get easier. but as i say - it will NOT get easier if you keep in touch and let him keep you dangling - it will just get HARDER.
well if you are still up for meeting up in the week i will give you some more kick ass advice face to face!! lol. and i really hope this doesn't sound harsh at all!! coz i don't mean it to!!