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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH has gone I feel sick

42 replies

Disenchanted3 · 12/09/2009 17:27

Have been fine up till now but feel ill.

Sister is coming to stay with me tonight, my head is banging.

Probably because I know Imean it this time, not permenantly but for a good while.

OP posts:
Veggiemummy · 12/09/2009 19:23

Disenchanted god this is just horrible, I wish I could say something amazing but all I can say is I'll be thinking strengthening thoughts for you, though I think you are quite strong already to have made this decision.

Disenchanted3 · 12/09/2009 19:29

OOOH THANKS VEGGIE, AM FEELING A BIT WEEPIE NOW.

THINK KILL TIDY UP A BIT KEEP BUSY,

oops caps :s

he said to me before he went 'i was only walking for an hour lasttime beforeyou calledme to come home (true) you better not be ringing me in 10 mins'

Isaid I wouldn't and I swear I wont,

he will be ringing me before i do him.

OP posts:
Disenchanted3 · 12/09/2009 19:31

sorry for my typing,am a bit teary, have DD asleep on my knee and keyboard got juice spilled on so is sticking and not typing properly.

OP posts:
Veggiemummy · 12/09/2009 21:05

Oh hope the laptop survives.

If you think you feel like calling him come on here.

groundhogs · 13/09/2009 09:56

MyDH and I have has some spectacular bust ups, we were all crammed in a tiny flat in a hellish place.

I couldn't realistically leave the flat, nowhere to go, and not a very sensible idea for women to go out anyway, (not in the UK) getting stared at, followed etc. So in the end I chose to stay in, literally for weeks at a time, until the walls started to close in and I would go to the supermarket or whatever. No sooner I was out of the flat, i just wanted to go back inside. Even now, months on and back home, I still have panic attacks going out on my own.

He could go out, no problems, and when he did, i would breathe a sigh of relief. He was under immense stress too, and taking it out on us, and I wasn't supposed to raise my voice etc etc.

All this meant the pressure of the day-to-day got to unbearable levels and indeed, I got swiped once or twice by DH. I sent him packing to his mums, and it was the best thing for all. He stayed there for a few days and then came back. Eventually he verbally apologised. I told him that a line had been crossed, with everything else I'd been dealing with, it was the absolute last time, and he had to seriously contemplate his behaviour.

Think you know that it will be OK, but the situation is working against you at the moment. It will get better, just keep plugging away and it will get better.

Perhaps the time off will give your DH a chance to reflect and consider everything, he knows putting a hand on you is wrong.

My DH is still there, sorting things out to move back, I'm back home already. The last few months have finally got him to see everything he's done over the last few years, and while it's a bit late in the day, and would have made life semi bearable had he come to this point sooner, it IS better late than never. I know we'll be OK, that things will improve now that we are out of that horrible situation.

Have faith, go see the Dr, good idea. Meantime, take time to congratulate yourself for getting those kids all sorted all by yourself, can't think that was easy, especially when you are feeling so sad and scared. Well done! Take each day as it comes. One thing you can take from this is how much you can do by yourself if you need to - it's a confidence booster!

Disenchanted3 · 13/09/2009 09:57

thanks groundhogs, you sound so brave

i was thinking all that till he rang ast night and said its over, hes leftme,its so surreal typing that i never ever thought he would do this to me

OP posts:
LuluMaman · 13/09/2009 10:00

thing is dis, you were not happy together, and that could not continue

neither of you are happy in yourselves either, which was not helping

perhaps when you are both better , the relationship can work

or it might not, either way, it is better than what was going on

what are DH's problems, if you don't mind me asking?

5inthebed · 13/09/2009 10:11

Where is he stopping Dis? IS he going to help you with the kids? You sound like you could do with some time to yourself. Is your sister still there? Can she take the kids out for a bit for you?

Disenchanted3 · 13/09/2009 10:29

My sister didn't come 5in,

i wanted to go to bed when it got to 9pm, and she still wasnt here sotold her to leave it.

dunno whats happening with anything

he said he would talkto me today but i really dont want to talk to him or see him

id rather just go it alone at the moment

OP posts:
LuluMaman · 13/09/2009 10:30

i think you need to keep channels of communication open

Disenchanted3 · 13/09/2009 10:31

if i speak to him 9i will get upset

the way i grovelled last night ismaking me feel ill, he was so cold and nasty

i cant talk to him ,ill just loose my temper

i need a few days

OP posts:
LuluMaman · 13/09/2009 10:35

fair enough,you need to tell him you will talk,when you feel up to it,so he can't say you are ignoring him..

5inthebed · 13/09/2009 10:37

Then call your sister/mum and ask for help, even if they just come and sit with the kids while you get your head down for a few hours.

Or go to their house. Just don't sit in by yourself. You need someone there for support.

Disenchanted3 · 13/09/2009 10:38

I don't want to,

they all know the situation Imin and haven'tcalled, im not gonna call them,

im gonna go for a walk with the kids

OP posts:
Disenchanted3 · 13/09/2009 10:39

i know that sounds like just spiteing myself but i really feel like i cant be bothered with anyone any way
they would just annoy me

OP posts:
5inthebed · 13/09/2009 11:19

Fair enough . A walk would probably do you and the kids good. A bit of fresh air.

Veggiemummy · 13/09/2009 18:24

Hey Dis this is all so hard for you but for what it's worth I think you are doing ok. You seem to be deciding where you want to go with all this without his input which is good. Lines of communication are good to keep open but I think you both need some space to decide what you need to do. I'm sorry your family aren't being helpful, you are being left with all the responsbility of the kids which is difficult, and makes it hard to think things through.

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