SO angry at myself! I fell for it again! Over a year on, and I still fell for the lies! Long...

[raggedtrouseredphilanthropist]

Basically, stbxh walked out on our family (ds was 1.6) for ow OVER a year ago. He to-ed and fro-ed between us for a few months, then I had enough and began moving on. Sold house, moved (he followed!), set up divorce etc etc.
Of course, I never wanted any of this to happen, and although I have moved on, and had a brief fling in the time (only one though, havent had time for more!), I do ultimately still watnt him to come back.
Now mess this up with some dv too. Only coming out of the relationship, I realised it was abusive. Not going into details, but mostly emotional, occasional physical. So, I KNOW I won't go back with him, but I guess I still love him.

Anyway, he is STILL lying. And I STILL let myself believe him! He has 'been trying to break up with her' but 'she won't let him' , and last week he got her to leave. allegedly. and then came the texts about how he wants me back, he always loved me, he needs to know I am moving on so HE can move on. etc etc. I shouldnt have engaged. But I did. I told him the only hope for us is if he did a Respect course. Then no more texts.

Anyway, picks up ds this morning and she is back! ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! Of COURSE she is!!! I am so stupid to think he might even have made the most TINY changes necessary for reconciliation. Of course, he says 'how can I come back when you want me to do x,y,z' (x being stop seeing ow, y being do a Respect course, z being stp being such a twat)
Exactly the same as this time last year!

I am angry at myself for still wanting him to change, belieiving his lies. Everything. I KNOW him! And I let myself fall in his trap.

SOOOOOOOOOOOO at MYSELF. I should never have engaged. But of course NOW I want to rant at him!

anyone been through similar? how did you stop believing?

that's good

may I ask how long you were with him? this behaviour leaves very deep scars (mentally) that take a lot of TLC to recover from, so my advice is to chill out (as in don't get wound up by him - I know that's difficult!), give yaself a break and just repeat "I will not go there - he is only lying" every time he texts or calls or any contact that is not strictly NEEDED

hottie - absolutely. Why SHOULD he change? But I have believed he will for so long, for all the reasons you cited.

Lewis - I was with him 14 years!! I can't believe I put up with this shit off him for so long!! I guess the dv was so few and far between (once a year?) that when he was 'nice' after I DID belive he had changed. again. and I never noticed I was walking on eggshells until after the relationship was over.

I know I am hard on myself, but I get so cross I have not moved on further. I want to be dating, to be sorted properly in my head, to be properly moved on from him. But I am not yet, and it has been over a year.

At least I deleted his texts immediately this time. That is a good thing. Before, I would have kept them! Now I need to move on a stage and when he tells me this shit, I need to think 'ha! yeah right! here we go again with the lies!'

control. It was all about control then, and it still is!