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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Just not interested in sex, what is wrong with me?

10 replies

fairysad · 11/09/2009 21:44

I have a DD (3) and a DS (10 months old).
DH and I have had about 3 attempts, since DS was born, and each time has been a disaster
I am just not interested.
We barely touch, nevermind snog or anything more.
We do cuddle but we probably argue every bit as much.

DS has had an awful start to life and is a bit of a miserable moo, quite hard work.
I think I get to the end of the day and having sex is just the last thing on my mind.

OP posts:

groundhogs · 11/09/2009 22:41

Kinda know what you mean, i feel the same, do it cos I kinda have to, but if it were down to me... DH is as keen as mustard, but i kinda feel it's like another thing I have to do for someone else.

I would be so much happier with a bit of help and understanding, but then again men are like that. they tend to show concern and care thru sex and not thru actions...

Mind you, the last few years have been so traumatic, isolating and soul destroying (we were abroad) friends think I may have PTS..

Is it only since DS, or did things slow down after DD?

I find since having ds, I feel less adventurous/amorous in general. kinda Mums don't do that.. need to find my inner woman, and tone down the Mum bit i think....

Try pampering yourself, so that you feel better about yourself, perhaps that will help you feel more deserving of a love life, it you think you are attractive, it will make you feel more switched on...

groundhogs · 11/09/2009 22:42

Kinda know what you mean, i feel the same, do it cos I kinda have to, but if it were down to me... DH is as keen as mustard, but i kinda feel it's like another thing I have to do for someone else.

I would be so much happier with a bit of help and understanding, but then again men are like that. they tend to show concern and care thru sex and not thru actions...

Mind you, the last few years have been so traumatic, isolating and soul destroying (we were abroad) friends think I may have PTS..

Is it only since DS, or did things slow down after DD?

I find since having ds, I feel less adventurous/amorous in general. kinda Mums don't do that.. need to find my inner woman, and tone down the Mum bit i think....

Original poster

fairysad · 11/09/2009 23:02

It has really been since DS.
DH tells me all the time that I am gorgeous and sexy but it means nothing to me, I just don't feel it.
I mean, I don't feel awful looking, I know he likes me and I feel ok looking, but not sexy.

OP posts:

Original poster

fairysad · 12/09/2009 20:18

Don't know if I ever really did though but I did used to enjoy the odd roll in the hay, felt sexy during. The idea is just bleurgh, no thanks, now

OP posts:

Original poster

fairysad · 12/09/2009 21:12

The longer it continues the worse it feels. You know how it is, the less you do it, the less you desire it but the more you feel pressured to do it cos everyone else it doin it, right?
The few attempts we have had have just been awful with it just doing nothing for me and I have had to call a stop cos either, I don't want to fake it or it is starting to hurt
Most of the time I don't worry. I love him he loves me. He tells me a lot how sexy/gorgeous/beautiful I am but everytime he tries, it feels false (from me) or (and how dumb is this, we have been together 10 years, but..) I am embarassed or nervous, but I just clam up.

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 12/09/2009 21:17

Maybe you should see your GP again, if pain is an issue?

Maybe try going back to dating sex, cuddles, intimacy, touching? Rather than leaping straight back into the saddle?

Original poster

fairysad · 12/09/2009 22:43

Who has time?!
(sigh)

OP posts:

somethinganything · 13/09/2009 09:41

fairysad completely and utterly sympathise. Started another thread about this yesterday. It's becoming a real problem and I just feel so guilty about it. Not sure I was every really up for it except in the very early days, but I love DH so much that I just feel I've got to do something for his sake. Have just been asking people for tips on 'getting in the mood' - check out the 'sex makes my skin crawl' thread in case any of them work for you.

IN the meantime, wish you the best of luck. It's kind of reassuring to know I'm not the only one who feels like this but do hope you (and I for that matter) find a way to enjoy sex again

Original poster

fairysad · 14/09/2009 08:34

DH tried a bit of snogging and groping yesterday. I tried to get into it, but as soon as he was headed for my boobs, I just flinched away.
He is practically begging. Please let me feel your boobs/bum ...and the rest.
yuck, I feel like a groped being who doesn't really want to be groped but if it buys me some time and keeps the boy happy.
The snogging was ok. But DS in bed, DD in the adjoining living room, yuck, stop it!!
He was practically grabbing for my knickers!
Oh god, just get off me, man! Not now!

OP posts:

somethinganything · 14/09/2009 20:02

I really do feel for you. We did 'it' last night but it involved a superhuman effort from me and I can't imagine DH had an awful lot of fun either. And when I woke up this morning I was relieved I'd got it over with and therefore wouldn't have to do it again for a while. Like you, I just can't bear to be touched, when he puts his hand on my inner thigh or something I practically levitate out of bed. Am thinking of going to the GP as per advice given on other thread

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