I was reading a magazine on the weekend and found an article on having excess guilt and it really clicked with me - that is what I have felt for years in dealings with my mother - a great big dollop of guilt.
My mother had a mental breakdown when I was in my teens. I guess I feel guilty that I wasn't able to make her happy and well. And I feel guilty now when doing something that she doesn't like - marrying someone she didn't approve of, leaving the country, not going back for her birthday but going on holiday somewhere closer to my home. And I think she uses that guilt - although she is really kind and generous to my ds, I feel she emotionally blackmails me into doing what she wants.
One good example would be when I was talking to her the other day and she was speaking about her arthritis. She said "I think that it is worse now as I was beaten so much as a child." And of course my head says "No, it is beacause your entire family is riddled with arthritis", but my emotional part is saying "Oh I'm so sorry, I wish I could have done something, I feel guilty being over here and not near you to help you."
Anyway I have decided I have had enough of feeling guilty and being manipulated like this.
Does anyone have any advice on how to handle mis-placed guilt? I know my mother is not going to change, but I would like to change the way I feel.