Just joined this forum after finding it on a search engine! So hello all.
My story is very long and detailed so will try to cut it short. I am in my 20's and my husband is in his 40's. Weve been together over 2 years and i have a dd of nearly 5 and he has a son of 16 from a previous marriage.
Weve been having a few problems, due to him lying about silly little things. Then something abit more serious became involved. I am now a paranoid mess and am feeling very lonely and fed up.
At the end of june i was rushed in to hospital and ended up there for 7 weeks, i was understandably very depressed and upset. I was put on lots of hormones to try and stablise my problem. (Unexplained Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding) When i came out i discussed with a family planning lady that she thought it might be worth DH having the snip (i had explained we had no intrest in having more children etc) She advised me to speak to my doctor and take dh along to discuss having the procedure done. He was completley unreasonable and sulked, saying it wasnt necessary etc as i have the coil and im on the pill, the problem with that is is that i have a rather large womb, and have been warned the coil could reject and it would be easy for the coil to come out (chances are i wouldnt know straight away) Im only on the pill for the next few weeks as my consultant told me to take my pill back to back for 3 months to balance out my hormones until merina has a chance to take effect on my womb. I have already had one coil that expelled itself within one week and was told as my womb is so large that that could have possibly been the reason. I 100% do not want anymore children (we decided on an abortion back in Feb when i fell pregnant) I was so upset with his lack of intrest and care of considering the snip i had to travel 150 miles in the car to my mothers house with dd to escape for the weekend. He explained that the reason he didnt want the vasectomy was because he was too scared! That made me even more angry, considering i had just gone through 2 blood transfusions, biopsy, hysteroscopy and bled like a pig being slaughtered one a week, lost 9 clots in one go that were the size of my fists and was so ill and weak i felt like death. I missed ALL OF the school summer holidays, which was devastating. My parents had my daughter for all of this time!
Since i came back home (2nd week in August) i havnt been able to do much, which has quite honestly been driving me in sane, DH has done nothing at all, unless i have asked him. Im so down. Its hard to communicate with him as he doesnt tell you how hes feeling, nor reacts to anything i try and talk about, so i either end up shouting, or just too upset and hurt to even look or talk to him.
Two weeks ago i noticed he was his old mobile phone out and had it one on various occassions, i did ask him why and he told me his other phone was crap and the other was much better etc etc. He had also told me he had been looking up on his laptop about having the snip. I was cooking in the kitchen and decided i needed to quickly look something up...so i used his laptop, as mine was upstairs. When i clicked on the favourites link, the search history came up and it was all deleted! I was then even more suspsious but decided to keep quiet about it.
The following evening we were in bed watching television and his phone went off, he made a hughhhh noise so i asked him wats up, he then read out a joke and said he didnt know who it was from, i suggested it could be from his ex wife (who he has no communication with) as it was quite a racist joke about the welsh (i was born in wales)He said no, it wouldnt be her.I said are you going to find out who is he and he said yes, so i assumed he text them back asking (which i later found out he had) A few hours later his phone vibrated again and he didnt go to pick it up to check. Which i thought was strange, so said arnt you going to check to see if its your mystery texter, he checked the phone and it said "its a blast from the past" He explained it was probably somebody he used to work with (he was a manager of a company for 20 years)I then began to wonder why they didnt just say who they were instead of playing childish games, then they text again about an hour later and said "Do you know who it is yet sweetheart" He wouldnt of told me if i hadnt have been lying right next to him! I was hurt and upset and thought to myself this was definatley another woman. I basically got the number from his phone, and the following day i text it, i was pretending to be him and saying the number she text was an old phone he had started to use again etc, and this was his number, the woman was playing mind games, texting until late at night and was very suggestive and playing the ultimate mind games. I really wanted to know who this woman was and why was she texting my Dh. So i stupidly asking "did you work for me, or did i just shag you" she replied back saying both. I was so hurt and upset, my mind was working overdrive and i couldnt sleep very well, couldnt even think about eating. The only thing i could do was ignore him for 2 days, i couldnt put on an act or pretend, and i was far to hurt to tell him what i had been doing and what she had said. After 2 days of hell, and thinking far too much i decided to tell him (but i wimped out and text him all i knew rather than confront him( aslo thought there was more chance i would get more out of him this way) He swore he had never slept with the woman in question. Forgot to mention that i had looked through his email, hes got an automatic sign in so i didnt need to use a password, and saw he had a facebook message saying this woman in question had try to add him as a friend on facebook, which he declined and deleted the email. He swore blind he hadnt slept with this woman, although he wasnt even with me when it happened (he was with his ex wife 3 years ago when he apparently according to this woman slept with her) Made out he was a saint in the marriage, then she ran off with another man, and hadnt been with anyone else since he met me, which was 8 months later. I was so hurt, and felt like i didnt even know him that well anymore, and couldnt imagine or want a husband that was so flipant with who he slept with (bearing in mind he had taken a big knock as ex wife left him a week after his step dad died, and suppose he wanted comfort and reassrance, not for his wife to have been having an affair, and left him with his then 13 year old son.
I dont know what to believe, on the day i confronted him i told him i wanted him to ring this woman and ask what she was talking about etc etc, he tried to ring but she didnt answer. I feel if he really wants this sorted, he would of suggest to try and ring her again (hes very good with words, and is convincing to any fool)
I dont know what to do, i did say i couldnt let this rest until he had spoken to this woman infront of me. What do i do? And what do you ladies think about this. There has been alot more to this, will answer if questioned. Sorry this is long, i havnt read it back either, so probably sounds terrible! xx
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Relationships
Do i want to carry this on???
BadgersBait · 05/09/2009 17:40
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