When someone thinks you are better friends than you do

[alison56]

I have this friend, Lucy. I used to work with her years ago and still saw her after I left for another job because we had mutual friends.

I still see her regularly through the same circle of friends. She is a lovely girl, she always remembers my children's birthdays and I do like her.

The problem is, I think she has more invested in the friendship than I do. She's ten years younger than me, not married and has no children. Our lives are very different and (just as before I had children) she has no real understanding of how hard it is dealing with small kids.

The only thing we really have in common is our previous place of work.

She keeps inviting us to dinner or lunch. She lives 70 miles away, and as you can imagine, the logistics of us "popping over" with two small kids (aged 4 and 4 months) are a nightmare. My husband has nothing in common with either her or her fiance and finds it hard to make conversation with them.

So far I have managed to make excuses but I've run out of excuses and find myself having agreed to go there for Sunday lunch next week. To be honest, I really don't want to go and neither does DH, not because we don't like the couple but because it will take up DH's only day off that week.

She has a tendency to (1) sulk and (2) persevere when you say no (if you say it's not conveneient, she will keep suggesting alternative dates until you eventually have to give in).

I feel really stuck about this. I do honestly like Lucy and her fiance but I don't feel they are close friends and really don't want a 140 mile round trip for Sunday lunch with the two kids.

What to do?

I faced something very similar to this recently.

The women is younger than me, but has two very small children that she struggles to look after. She was relying on me too much (dropping her children off without calling first because she had to go to the shops in one case) and I eventually just had to stop all contact.

She rang several times every day, she was always coming round, inviting me round and getting the hump if i said "no" to anything she wanted to do.

I know this was because she was unsatisfied with her dh and her dc, because she plainly told me so. I am quite satisfied with my family and we do spend loads of time together. This person just kept wanting to join in and be best friends, even though we have only known each other a few months.

It is not always easy being honest with some people. I did try talking to her, but she would get so upset and felt she was being criticised. She even asked why I didn't like her (I do, just not every day) and would make comments that put me off. We would not speak for a few days and then I would text her to break the ice, thinking she understood me when I explained about the not every day thing...and then after we "made up" she would do it all all over again!!!

I felt really bad, but it all got to be too much and I eventullay just stopped answering her calls. It still feels very tense when we do see each other.