is there any hope? can men change?

[thisisyesterday]

so, background, dp is a twat.

is it even remotely possible that he might change? i am sat here feeling really rather unhappy. staring at a shithole of a house, with an unhappy 4.5 yr old up in bed who tells me he hates daddies because they have blackberries and never play. dp has gone to bed after taking an hour-long bath, leavin me to clear up the entire kitchen that he said he'd sort.

ok if you have no money you either throw him out and change the locks or you get help to leave. If you stayed with your parents in an overcrowded situation you would be eligible for local authority housing or a housing association property.

He is not going to change so you are going to have to accept some short term pain to get him out of your daily life or continue to put up with being treated like a mug.

go and see a solicitor and then you will see that you will survive. I suspect you do have some sort of claim on the house - you bought it together for your family after all.

Maybe with a solicitors letter he will either make the effort to change (which only he can do by himself) or he will see just how serious you are about getting out.

Take some control over your life and you will begin to feel better than just 'letting' him do as he pleases.

Have a look at www.advicenow.org/livingtogether, lots of advice about umarried couples rights etc.

About the house:

What happens if you split up?
If you clearly agreed that the nonowner would not have a share of the home if you split up, then, although they could take the case to court, there is almost no chance of the claim being successful. If you agreed in writing that you would share the property, then you can rely on this agreement, unless
later events mean that this would be very unfair.
If the non-owner has contributed to the purchase of the home directly (for example, by paying into the mortgage account, or providing part of the deposit) or indirectly (for example, by paying the bills in return for their partner paying the mortgage) on an understanding that they would have a share in the home, then they can take the case
to court and will probably be successful.
If the non-owner gave up something important (like a job or their own home) to come and share your home because they believed that you would share the ownership of it with them, they may be able to bring a claim for a share of the home. The claim would be
strengthened if he or she has contributed directly (for example, by paying into the mortgage account, or providing part of the deposit) or indirectly (for example, by paying the bills in return for you paying the
mortgage) to the purchase of the home.
If there are children a court can order a transfer of the tenancy to a parent on behalf of the children under the Children Act 1989. This would typically happen to keep the children housed. In practice this
does not mean that the non-owner gets a share of the home, but may get the right to remain in it while it is the home for the children - until they reach 18 or leave full time education.

Men can change, of course they can. Just like women can too.
It will take a real heart to heart. You will have to lay it out for him, what he needs to do to make you happy. Tell him you are unhappy and why. He will probably tell you that he is not happy either.I have been married for 22 years, and it can be difficult at times. If you want to save your relationship, then you have to be honest with each other.