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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Finally Come To An End

38 replies

Chinchilla · 16/05/2003 20:17

Well, it looks like my marriage is finally over. It has been limping along for a while, and it has all come to a head tonight. I can't post more at the moment, as I am still not sure how I feel. I am sad that 15 years together has been a waste, apart from ds, and also sad that we were not strong enough to withstand the onslaught of a child. I know that this breaks a lot of couples, and I don't want to be a statistic.

OP posts:
Chinchilla · 17/05/2003 15:16

WWW - you are so right. This morning, things were a bit strained, but he started treating me carefully, and we have almost been the same as 'normal'. Things are not right, but then I wonder if they are worth splitting up over. I just don't know. I am exhausted this morning, and emotionally drained. I'm so sorry to have moaned on last night, I was very upset. It was a horrible fight, where dh was being cool and nasty while I was trying to put a point across. He got me so wound up with his attitude (which was obviously the intention) that I just broke down, and demanded a divorce.

I think that he probably does love me in a way, but that having ds has made us lose our affection. I definitely need to do something about my pillsw, because they are just not working any more. I am late getting my period, which I think is due to all the stress this month and feeling so down.

So...to sum up, not happy, but not leaving. Thank you all so much for being there for me.

OP posts:
sis · 17/05/2003 15:34

Chincilla, I'm glad that you are feeling more positive today.

bayleaf · 17/05/2003 18:03

Chinchilla I'm so sorry to hear how you're feeling, you've made me smile many times and seemed such a great person to be around despite how you might feel right now.
It's good that you're feeling better today - but don't ever apologise for posting how you felt on Mumsnet - Most of us have felt that things were far worse than they actually turned out to be at one time or another.

Rosiemum · 17/05/2003 18:38

Chinchilla,

Huge, great big cyberhugs from someone who's been there.

I had PND after both my babies, undiagnosed with the first but on reflection pretty severe, and diagnosed but untreated after 2nd.

This depression lasted for about 4-5 years after dd2 was born - I'm sure it didn't need to last that long but dd2 is 12 now and doc's weren't quite so enlightened a decade ago.

My depression nearly wrecked my marriage. Dh and I had a horrible time. We were childhood sweethearts, we'd been together since I was 15 and him 19, married when I was 19 and dd1 was born 4 years later. We ended up sleeping in separate rooms and were on the verge of separation - neither of us could see why we were together for anything more than the kids. Nothing awful - no affairs, major upsets, we just drifted so far apart and I was so depressed I couldn't respond to him in any way at all. As a last resort I contacted Relate, to go alone to try to work out what I wanted. After a few sessions alone I wrote to my dh, leaving the letter by his bed, asking him to come with me. We went to 6 months of Relate councilling, , and I can honestly say it worked miracles. Now we've been married nearly 19 years - my dh is my best friend, my lover (when we have the energy and privacy - 2 teenage daughters , and I can't imagine what life would be like without him.

Don't let your marriage drift apart without being certain it's the right thing. Do pick up the phone and go and see Relate on your own. It really does help.

More hugs.

edgarcat · 17/05/2003 19:38

Message withdrawn

breeze · 18/05/2003 11:09

Chinchilla, Sorry to hear about your problems, DH and I went through a very rough patch while I was suffering from PND and lost track of the many rows we had that ended in one of us asking for a divorce, luckily we managed to get through that bad patch and get back on track. 18 months ago I couldn't see a future with him, now I can't see a future without him. PND is very hard thing to deal with and also a hard thing for people to understand, I was a totally different person then and because of that DH changed to, now 18 months on I am still getting back to my old self and so is DH. Wishing you all the best and really hope it works out for you.

Chinchilla · 18/05/2003 11:16

Well, this place is just so fan-bl00dy-tastic. You are all so lovely. Bayleaf, thank you so much for your comment. I did not realise that I could be a poster who would actually make someone else smile...that means a lot I can tell you.

Things have totally gone back to normal now, but dh did unload the dishwasher this morning, while looking after ds (multi-tasking, I ask you!), so maybe he is taking note. Won't last I'm sure, but I'll make the most of it.

Thank you all again.

OP posts:
linzoid · 19/05/2003 01:20

Chinchilla, hope things are on the up for you. I know how terrible it is to be depressed and in a relationship that you can't make work. I am in the same boat, hence why i'm sitting at this computer now (awful weekend, can't sleep). Keep looking at my 2 sleeping sons and feeling so guilty that they have to live in a horrible atmosphere.Wish i had a magic wand and i would wave it for all of us that are suffering.
At least we have all the great support of mumsnet, eh! keep posting, as someone else said you are entertaining and were all here to help as much as we can. Hugs.

Batters · 19/05/2003 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lisalisa · 19/05/2003 13:02

Message withdrawn

easy · 19/05/2003 20:13

Chinchilla,

So sorry to hear that things are really grotty right now, You brought me to mumsnet (saw your postings i think on Raising Kids), and you have made me smile lots in the last few months. as SAHMs we share a lot of experiences.

I just thought I'd chip in with some experience of my own. About a year after DS was born our relationship became really difficult, largely because dh lost his mum, had to make a career change (which made him feel he'd failed) and he became depressed.

Whilst I have EVERY sympathy with you for your PND, please remember that your dh is having a hard time of it too. Sometimes, as the partner to a depressed person you don't know what to do for the best, whether to offer help, or keep out of the way. Sometimes that seems to be the easiest option, just to avoid bringing on a row, even tho' your depressed partner is seething cos you're not trying to help.

We went thru months of hell, and he nearly left twice (I came close on a couple of occasions too, but gritted my teeth - I couldn't bear the idea of living with my mum, which would have been my only alternative). I went to the doctor before he did, just to get some advice on how to live with him in this state.

Since he got his Prozac things have improved, tho' we still have days which are very hard. What I suppose I am saying is that if he is trying to help, as in your last posting, please tell him you appreciate it, and please try to understand that your depression is very difficult for him too. I'm not defending if he is really unhelpful, just trying to point out that he may not know how to help.

I'm not a great beleiver in counselling (too much like washing dirty linen in public for me), but perhaps you and dh could visit your gp together to discuss how you are??

Chinchilla · 19/05/2003 21:56

We have booked a 5 day holiday in September, at CenterParcs. Things are totally back to normal now. I am just a bit hormonal at the moment. Period is late (I'm now 38 days), and I had a stomach bug last week. I think that all these things, together with my depression made it all blow up. Our marriage is not wonderful, but we tick along. He IS helpful around the house, too much really. The trouble is his too high standards of cleanliness. He is a bit controlling about that, whereas I'm a bit of a slut really, and do as little as possible! This does cause friction all the time.

Anyway, as someone said (www?) 15 years is a long time. I did say 'For better or worse', and I don't think either of us are at our best at the moment

OP posts:
easy · 20/05/2003 12:48

Actually Chinchilla, I didn't just mean helping around the house, I mean trying to help you to feel better. He may want to, but not know how.

Probably, the row you had on Friday was a bit of his frustration coming out. People who aren't depressed need to let off steam sometimes too. BTW I guess that since the birth of your small, NEITHER of you are the same people you used to be. Nothing changes you more.

I'm glad things seem to be a bit better, and hope the thought of a holidays cheers you up a bit more.

Work at it, it's usually worth it (except for those married to violent men, then I'd say get out quick).

Oh, and if his standards of household cleanliness are higher than yours, let him do the cleaning, and don't feel guilty about it. Remember you are doing a full time job bringing up your child.

LOL

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