Emotional abuse - is leaving the only answer?

[LightShinesInTheDarkness]

After a three week, 24/7 holiday with DH and DCs (8 & 11), I have woken up and smelled the coffee. Following tracks on other threads on MN, I have realised that it is not all in my head. My DH is controlling and manipulative. I am walking on egg shells all the time.

Part of our holiday involved a break with my parents, with whom we have not spent a lot of time recently. I could see on my dear Mum's face how shocked she was to see what I have become - downtrodden, lacking in confidence, miserable. As I am a graduate with a good brain, she wanted so much more for me. As did I.

But. I don't want to be a single parent. I want my marriage to be a good one. It has been good in the past and I can see looking back that DH's behaviour has got steadily worse. Is leaving the only answer?

Do you have any close girlfriends around you? Have you ever had a frank discussion with them, or your Mum, about your relationship?

You sound like me.

I left it too late to turn my relationship around. By the time I found the emotional strength to say enough was enough, I couldn't stand being in the same room as him.

We did have a go at Relate, but he saw the (male) therapist as being entirely supportive of the stuggle it had been to him to have such an unreasonably demanding wife. I'd seen the therapist as a neutral third party who wasn't doing much other than throwing questions out to get us to see the other side's point. Truthfully, I didn't care what hubby's point was, I just wanted myself back. It didn't work for us and I'm very happily divorced.

If you are wanting to save your relationship, seek the support that is out there and maybe it will work if your husband also buys into it.

I didn't want to break the family up either, but I did and I feel better for it. It has taken me a few years, but I'm not the doormat I was. There are still residual effects because of the years of conditioning, but they are less severe as time passes. He is still trying to control me, but now his only weapon is DD. He is very dictatorial about when he will see her. I'm hoping he'll change.

Great post, math.

Hi. I broke down at my Mum's last night. Everything just spilled out. I don't feel any better for it, just utterly desperate and miserable. Mum suggested seeing a lawyer so I know where I stand if I decide to go.

But the thoughts that are going in my head are of my kids not living with their Dad, not having holidays with four of us, weekend Dad in the park 'cause he lives in a grotty bedsit.

Crying too much to be coherent now, will try and come back in a while.

Gawd ladies just leave/get rid of the male nutter other half..I did it years ago ,and albeit Ive brought up 2 boys at the time very young ,its been a very tough road.I gained far more than I lost..No-one is put on this planet to suffer any abuse .Being a single parent is one of the hardest jobs ever,and the rewards far outweigh years of misery.I know ,Ive been there.
Move on..life can indeed be better..