DH wanting custody of DCs

[runningforthehills]

namechanger as DH knows my MN name.

DH and I had a massive argument about something trivial. Escalated massively.

But he said that he would 'fight me for the kids' and that he 'wanted custody.' I said that this is unrealistic as I'm their primary carer, am at the moment a SAHM, and he works. He said that he would cut down his hours and put them in day care.

I said that my concern would be the best interests of the children; that he was trying to hurt me by threatening to take the children away.

We've managed to try and work out why our arguments spiral so quickly, although I've never been nasty to him nor ever threatened that he shouldn't see the kids.

He's an OK dad. Not great, but tries very hard.

We did agree that if we ever did split up, that we wouldn't go to court as ideally I would like to work things out amicably.

I'm not sure that I could trust him again after he said that he could fight me for the kids and that I would stay with him as I don't want to end up with a bitter battle. (am experienced in family law and know how horrible it can get)

Is it possible to forget nasty things?

The judgement of solomon was not remotely about splitting children down the middle, but rested on which woman would relinquish their claim on the child to save him physical harm. In this way they proved their fitness to be the child's parent.

I think you seriously underestimate children if you think they can only manage to think of one place as home,and I would be very interested to hear what your definition of home is.

I agree when you say that divorce = anxiety. How does suddenly being deprived of one parent for weeks at a time lessen anxiety?

Just because children have two homes doesn't mean they need two sets of clothes or their sports and social schedules are disrupted! Why would it? The key issue IMVHO is that divorced parents need to live close to one another so that children's lives continue as normal (school, friends, clubs etc) whichever home they are in.

We also have never wanted to do shared parenting by alternate weeks, but have instead insured that the children spend part of every week in each home. Over time, we have also come to the conclusion that splitting the holidays down the middle is a ridiculous concept. Much better to adopt a flexible attitude to ensure the children are not deprived of one parent for up to a month in the summer.