I did it because, I wanted to be able to say that I had done everything I can, that I had done my best, so that I can look back and say yes worried you really tried to fight for that one. And I strongly believe I'd prefer to say 'I wish I hadn't done X' than 'I wish I had'. I went because deep down I probably still love him. And if nothing comes of it then I gave it my best shot.
The photos of us, and of me, were still up, my stuff was still in his bathroom, in the cupboards, even my toothbrush was still in the pot with his.
Why? I don't know why. When you split up with someone don't you want to remove all those things from your flat? I know I did. I couldn't bear to look at them.
Deep down I know nothing will come of it. I am not strong enough to say that really, that nothing is probably the best outcome, because at the moment I am hoping for a miracle. But really, I know, there won't be one. Not today.
(I'm not expecting replies because there's nothing to reply to but I just had to get it out.)