Oh dear...please come and throw rotten fruit at me for I am a fool

[FluppetOfGloom]

Disclaimer: I am total idiot and I deserve this completely. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.

In a nutshell: Met xP (not DDs dad) in June 07. Got together, had a great time. Turns out he was still in love with his ex and they very publicly got back together in November last year. Total shock to me. I was heartbroken and bereft. He didn't handle it well at all, making matters much worse for me. I suspect he has NPD (crucial point).

Fast forward to April this year. I move to another part of town, nearer to him (at the time, I though it a risk I was prepared to take and would carry on just ignoring him in the street, as I had been doing in the intervening months). Started bumping into him a lot, decided one day to bury the hatchet and have a chat. We were in bed together six hours later. Turns out he'd split with his ex again (quelle suprise).

Against my better judgement ( and I knew I was being a self destructive idiot, but somehow couldn't stop myself) we continued to see each other. Today I saw him in the street with his ex and their son. I was nearly sick on the spot. Completely horrified. He now tells me that they have again got back together. This is, I think, about their seventh attempt at a relationship.

And now I'm smarting badly, back to square one, but really I just want to wail with self loathing for being such a prat.

Will I never learn?

Please come and kick me repeatedly, or gouge out my eyes with a rusty spoon or something.

(I have namechanged, but if you know who I am or remember me talking about this person and situation before please keep schtum. Thanks )

He either won't remember he has your keys {they forget you existed and wipe you from their small dysfunctional brains as soon as they have dumped you} or if he does he might test the waters at some point later by contacting you to give them back. Or he will just wait thinking they might still be bait for you.

Don't think he will drop them through your door with a letter of apology, because a sensitive, remorseful human being might do that. And they aren't either of these.

You sound a bit brighter. Just keep breathing out and saying Hurrah. He is out of my life. Never again will he be able to fark me around and make me depressed.

Then quickly scoff Orm's strawberries or they will be inedible.x

Thanks everyone, you lot are lovely.

Delish strawbs, Orm

Re. Attila's remark about gift giving - wierdly, he's very generous and actually gave me a fair bit of cash, paid bills for me etc (things are quite tight at the moment and I am going to miss that - but it's all part of the hook, right?). But when it came to actually buying presents, he was hilariously inept.

For Christmas 07 I received:

• A randon DVD (that he wanted to watch)
• A Tesco chocolate cake (that he ate)
• A giant stinking cheese that I later learnt was on special offer in the local deli(which nobody ate because it smelt of dead sheep)

For my birthday, a few months later, I recieved:

• A copy of his own book

You've gotta laugh really

This is quite therapeutic

He's written a book? Golly he must think h's a real intellectual. What's it about? Knitting socks? Sheep dipping? Something that really sets him apart from common man...

The money thing is interesting. It's their idea of being generous. They think if they give you things or money they are being generous...they have no idea that actually sharing emotions, meaningful conversation with their loved one or just giving you a sincere hug when you need it most is also being generous.

My h fucked up all important anniversaries including my 40th birthday (I wanted to go for a glass of champagne and tapas at local lovely bar, he 'suprised' me by cooking me a curry. I sat on the sofa really pissed off watching eastenders while he whistled away in the kitchen having a lovely time doing his favourite thing (cooking to impress) and only at ten pm did he agree with VERY bad grace to go to the bar. It was shut. He blamed me, of course, for being less than appreciative of his kind efforts. Wanker)

They turn everything round somehow to make it your fault. Even him clambering on a plane t shag whores was my fault...and he tells people he cannot now return to this country because I have made life 'untenable' for him here by telling people we know that he had been looking at sex and hooker sites.

See? None of it was his doing.

It takes months to understand how these weirdos operate because on the surface they are so convincing, charming, kind and humble somehow...UNTIL. Yes, until. Until you have given them your keys and your heart.

Oooh, this isn't the journalist twat that wrote a moving column about how he had left his partner but had got back together and became a wonderful and caring dad, completely ommiting any reference to his longish relationship with you inbetween is it?

MegaTwat

Has taken me a full 2 years to recover from NPD ex, the fallout is horrendous and I don't wish that on anyone, the best bit is that we CAN escape from this destruction before we are completed eroded, stay focused, rely on sound people (mentally) with true perspective, either on line or in real life, it DOES get better, I promise

Thank you everyone who has posted supportive stuff on here. I feel far more resolute today. Must keep it up

UA, your ex sounds like an utterly toxic knob. So glad for you that you got out and got over it.

As someone also related to an NPD nasty female, you are so well rid! I do love the comparison to Lord Voldemort

Lord Voldemort is what my ex is

Everyone told me to get rid. I can't really explain the hold he had on me even now. He was so charming at first, so completely all-consuming and suddenly that veneer just fell away and I was left bereft, thinking if I can just try harder he will come back to me.

It took me a long time to realise it was all just an act, and even longer to leave. By then I was an empty shell.

Sorry, on a more positive note to finish!

I DID find the strength to leave (to his utter astonishment) and am now married to a lovely person. You will get over this and look back wondering how the hell he ever got that hold over you.

Onwards and upwards!!