Did I make this happen?

[Rainbowsherbert]

My ex and I are just splitting up. We have had a lot of splits then get back togethers etc.

I recently found out that while we were together he was repeatedly unfaithful to me and one of these involved him being in a threesome with two other women. When he first told me I felt numb and ended the relationship once and for all. As time goes on though I am feeling more and more upset by everything he got up to. He also confessed to me that he used to search for prostitutes on the internet before his nights out and then go and see them at the end of the evening before coming home.

He says he has told me everything now and I should give him another chance. He told me so that we could give it another go. I don't want to give it another go, I would never trust him again. He is staying here at the moment till he finds a new place and I am just so angry with him. I can't stand to look at him and hate him being here. He frequently asks to borrow money from me and I absolutely hate lending it to him. I hate handing over money to someone who has treated me the way he has. He says I should separate my emotions from things like that and just get on with it. Also says that if he had been satisfied at home it would never have happend. He makes digs about me "being alright" (because I am staying in the house with dc) and says "well youve got a roof over your head" etc, just really smarmy comments like that, says I am selfish for making him move out and this was his flat to begin with. I didn't do anything though, I didn't know anything about what he was getting up to and was always faithful to him, why SHOULD i move out? Why is he being such a pig about this? Not only was he unfaithful to me repeatedly but he resents me for ending the relationship and is giving me a hard time for asking him to leave. Please give me some advice on what to say to him. I am not very articulate when I speak when I get angry and just end up raging when he makes these comments. Am I selfish, is this my fault, should i move out? I am so confused about everything. This is very long, apologies.

OMDB I will definitely try that one, repeating back to him whatever he says. He just tends to say more and more outrageous and hurful things until he gets a response though.

Thanks for all of your ideas of things to say I have a feeling I will be needing to use all of them. i just so much want to try to stay calm because of dc. I cant stand them hearing us rowing.

I think I have just become numb to it all because you all seem so angry just reading about but I think I have just got used to it.

It sounds like there's a part of you that still feels answerable to him, that still needs to argue with him and assert your right against what he is saying. He's able to push your buttons because you're still emotionally involved with him... but you already know that.

He will be so disappointed and pissed off when you disengage from him. He will then piss off, because he won't have the entertainment of winding you up.

get him out, and it will become easier

your only interaction need then be only ablout the kids

however, I would expect from what you have said, he will find other ways to make you feel bad

grow a thicker skin, stop letting his skewed view of the situation unsettle you and mess with your head

< easier said than done >

but you have to, or this man will continue to taint your life

I don't love him anymore, I only care about him as the kids father, he had a bad time growing up and I feel sad and sorry for that for him. I don't hate him either, which my family think I should. I am totally 100% sure this is over.

I think the feeling answerable to him is more about my own issues. I can't stand unfairness or being accused of things I haven't done.

HB I think you are right, I think he might actually become bored if I stop responding to him. I am going to try so hard not to let him get to me. On my own with dc tonight and it is so lovely and peaceful, I am so much happier and peaceful when I am on my own with them.