Give up on internet dating???

[whethergirl]

I've been a single mum for 5 years (since my son was born) during which time I've not had one whiff of a date. I joined an internet dating site (couple of months ago) and not sure if it's actually making me feel worse.
All the contacts I've had from blokes in their 20's (way too young) 60's or are just plain weird or pervy, were at first funny - but now just pissing me off.
There was one bloke I really liked, and after several emails where we seemed to have chemistry, we spoke on the phone - and so called chemistry just went up in a puff of smoke.
Spoke to another guy on the phone which started off well but then tried to have phone sex with me.
Another couple of blokes I liked, who, after some promising emails, just suddenley stopped writing - obviously found someone better.
Another bloke I liked, but don't think he's actually up for DATING. He already admitted he regularly writes to 8 other girls on the site.

Meanwhile, I'm so broke so couldn't afford to go out on a date anyway. For this reason, I even joined a "sugar daddy" type of dating website. But no luck there, as guys with money tend to be, and can be, very very picky. (Got one offer of bloke wanting a mistress - he was gorgeous mind. And another that was just a fat old git).

Obviously all the young, size 10 shiny blondes with no kids are getting all the decent men.

Shall I just give up? It's kind of getting me down. I think I was happier without the false of hope of ever actually being asked out on a date.

Kally - I think that's definitely the drawback with internet dating - it's so hard to tell whether you could fancy someone just by a photo and profile details. Which works vice versa - I don't feel I come across as who I really am in a photo. Glad you found a nice bloke anyway. But yes, agree with you on the distance thing, so many men contacting me from miles away, I don't really get it.

Abouteve, my mum is 53, and has dated men in their 30's, which is normally a bit on the young side for me! I prefer 40's upwards. But I must say they always go after her, she never seeks them. The other site I've heard good things about is mysinglefriend, which uses a slightly different approach.

Aussieng, thanks for all your advice. I can see how it is coming across that I am a bit desperate to meet the one, but actually the thought of a serious relationship scares the crap out of me, especially after my last nightmare. I don't even believe in "the one" anymore. Just SOME one, ANYONE!!! I wish I didn't have the need really, but I'm human like everyone else and have normal needs like everyone else. I guess you're right about making the first move...I'll work on that. And yes, I think paid sites are the way forward. When I start working again (I work from home but stopped over the summer) I may well consider it. In fact my friends offered to get me 3 months of mysinglefriend.com for my birthday, I wish I'd taken it up now.

Not read full thread but cosmopolitan (the magazine) also has a dating site, currently on offer to join for a £1 for a month (but you'll have to remember to cancel or they'll automatically renew).

Apparantly it's part of a large dating website company and your profile will feature on there and one or two others (ie, my profile is on cosmo dating and also the one for my local newspaper as the dating site is owned by the same company - if that makes sense).

Don't give up just yet....keep chatting to guys, even those you wouldn't normally go for and see how things go.

I had a nice date with a guy last week after I'd almost decided to give up on the whole dating thing altogether.

Ooh thanks MuthaHubbard, that's a good offer. That's the thing, I don't really have a type so don't really know what I'm looking for. Maybe I'll join this cosmo thing, actually ask a few men out and see if I still feel this disillusioned. Thing is, it's all very well saying - that's it, I give up, but at the end of the day I'm saying it despite myself.

I know exactly what you mean whethergirl...I thought I had a type too but a couple of guys I've chatted to lately aren't really within that 'type' and have gotten on ok so far.

I had a few emails and 'winks' and replied to those who seemed nice and sent the odd email myself as I just thought, what have I got to lose?

Maybe thinking that you aren't really looking will make things seem a bit less desperate (not saying that you are but hope you know what I mean!?!)

Good luck x

MuthaHubbard, as they say, the best time to find a man is when you're not looking for one. However, I have also heard the opposite, ie. if you close yourself off, you don't send of the correct signals. Who knows, but yeh, desperation is definitely not a good look - luckily I'm far too proud and egotistical to ever come across that way!

Funny what you say about having a type - I've noticed that I don't/can't really go for the "type" i used to go for before I had my son because they were usually the reckless wild boys that I wouldn't want in my life now.

Just wanted to say hello to all you ladies still looking for someone. After a horrible 6 year relationship with a truly awful man (he had also been in a relationship with someone else for 5 years and left me with a huge amount of debt)I joined friends reunited dating, simply because I had a friends reunited account.Initially I wanted to just meet up for the odd date, go out to the cinema etc and I was really lonely. I really enjoyed instant messenger chat and emails with some nice guys and even went on a few dates but generally the chemistry was lacking. After only a month I began chatting to D, emailing every day. I was keen to meet up and sent him my phone number asking him to call me if he fancied meeting up. In hindsight I was quite pushy but I had reached a point where I wasn't prepared to be mucked about or waste time. He rang and we met for dinner and drinks and to cut a long story short, two years later we were married and now we have a 9 month old daughter. Unfortunately there are lots of not so great people about, but there are still real gems too. I introduced my friend to internet dating and she is also marrying her match. Don't settle for second best. Happy hunting!x

Thanks for the glimmer of hope laneyjay! Also I think you made a good point at being at a stage where you weren't prepared to be mucked about - I suppose that's one thing I have on my side that I didn't have when I was younger. I've got a lot less patience for time wasting idiots now.
Anyway congrats on your happy ending. xx

Don't give up...

i was on my own with ds1 for five years...

then met my now amazing DH online we hit it off immediately, he'd never lived properly with a girl before let alone a single mum, but he was fab with ds1 from word go and five years down the line we are now married with two boys of our own, so just don't give up!

When I started off internet dating I had one really horrible date that almost put me off the whole thing. However, I approached the next guy purely on the basis of his photo (shallow? never!). I never thought he'd reply - he seemed out of my league. Believe it or not, three and a half years later we are married with a daughter and another baby on the way. We met via Timeout Dating in London. I'm definitely of the 'you get what you pay for' mentality when it comes to websites (within reason, obviously anything above a tenner per month is ridiculous but I do think that men who are willing to pay to join a site will be more likely to want something vaguely meaningful).

Just wanted to offer a success story in order to give some hope, perhaps.