Does your MIL get/appear upset if you shout at your kids?

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

Mine seems too and I don't know why but it makes me feel awful.

She would never shout at my kids and I am almost certain never shouted at hers.

I would rather not shout but some times...

Fab
Don't think that she is better at this parenting lark.

She is the granny, it is easier to be the granny.

She does not have the DC 24/7, she does not at the end of the day have the responsibility of the children, she leaves your house and goes back to her house and has peace and quiet.

Being a mum is constant noise, arguments, negotiations. It is exhausting sometimes and we don't react in the same kind and patient manner that we would like to. But we are not flipping Mary Poppins. And neither is your MIL.

She has had my daughter since Saturday morning until teatime today and she had my boys as well from 9.30 this morning. She just gets on with it and does so much with them.

well, as she is a teacher, she will know hat some teachers shout. their classes still get taught just as well. It's just a difference in style.

what works for us (generally speaking) is the right thing. We can't magically adopt someone elses style, it just doesn't work that way.

FBIB - you seem to be down on yourself for this. no need. I personally think shouting at least shows that you give a damn!

i might add that my mum shouted quite a bit when we were little, and hardly at all when she has DD. Obviously that 20-odd years of child rearing experience gives you an edge....

I wouldn't worry about it, I expect that she has been working with young DCs since before you were born! If so she has a wealth of experience and is probably very good at it. 3 children, for fun, that she loves, are going to be a doddle-and the big difference is that she gets to hand them back! I expect OP could have someone else's DC for a weekend and have a fantastic time-without shouting. It isn't the same as your own-day in day out. She hasn't said anything-I think you are just comparing, and shouldn't.

when i shouted at ds (2.7) for pushing his sister's chair over, with her stil in it, she immediately went over and consoled him which annoyed me no end. She said "Aw! he's only little, he doesn;t know" which annoyed me on two levels - yes he does, and also my dd would be told off if she did the same to him,so she needs to see justice being done. I think out of sheer respect to me she shouldn't have consoled him straight after being told off. It's almost like she's never had children of her own yet i know dh came from somewhere!

At least OP doesn't have that problem isittooearly-she has the advantage that her MIL never criticises or gives advice, even if asked. She just happens to be very good with chldren-but she has had at least double the experience of FabBaker, and is handing them back. I don't think she should compare-just think that in years to come she will get to be the fun granny!

Fab. stop comparing. You are their lovely mum !

I just feel I am a rubbish mum but the kids seem to think I am good enough..

At least I am here. My mother dumped me for a man.

To be fair, Reality, Fab's MIL does not criticise or judge her.

Fab, I am sorry you are feeling so down at the moment.

You seem to have a dream MIL in that she isn't interfering in any way-she just happens to be excellent with DCs. I don't think they can win sometimes, if she criticised she would be in trouble-if she was bad with the DCs she would be in trouble.
Don't compare Fab-you are the important person in their lives, you are the one they love and the one that is essential to them. Your MIL is the icing on the cake-and you are lucky to have her. I would think that she is wise enough to know this if she doesn't interfere.
If I get a DIL I will resolve to be similar. I will realise that when she has a 5yr old it may well be the first 5 yr old she has come across whereas I have not only had 3 of my own but have taught too many to possibly count, from all walks of life, different cultural backgrounds, all sorts of personalities-of course I am going to be able to relate well to a grandchild. Your MIL will have had many mistakes along the way, Fab, but you haven't seen them. Also being a grandparent is very different from being a parent. Don't beat yourself up-make use of her and have a much earned break!

I guess it matters to me what she thinks of me and part of it is I hate to see her upset but also I know I am not handling things properly.

I've got to go out soon Fab. But maybe it would help if you gave examples of the sort of things you are finding difficult.

God knows we all need help at times (I speak as someone who has spend much of the morning so far skulking in the kitchen muttering swear-words out of earshot of my stroppy DS2)

Actually Fab, maybe scrap the self-examination for a while if the DCs are away. Do something nice for yourself !!

Just nipped home and now we are off to the park.

All have been told off today but I am handling it okay I think.

thanks

yup, enjoy a cuppa and cake healthy snack.

I bought the kids a cornetto/lolly and now the boys are having a sandwich. When ds2 is asleep I am going to bake.