Did you marry 'beneath' you?

[paolosgirl]

Or above you? Or is class a thing of a past?

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has never been an issue for me but have had two boyfriends who thought i was beneath them.

1st thought he was ace cos his parents had big house and mine didnt - shut up rapidly when i said his parents house was in an area where they were much cheaper so my parents was worth more than his. also that i earned 50% more than he did, haha.

xps family are more middle class and he kept going on about my parents being working class so he reckoned he was further up the scale than me. i pointed out that altho his parents were better off, i had a job and he had spent almost his entire life unemployed (by choice), so i might be working class but he was sub-working class. he reckoned that because he had a 6 months temp job working in an office that he was middle class because your class depends on what your last job was ??????? really dont understand how i failed to notice what a plonker he was

dp is from working class family and then went to uni as a mature student - just like me (except i havent finished uni yet). he never talks about class and neither do i now

GGG
You were supposed to only have an illicit affair with Mellors, NOT marry him!

I probably had an affair with him, but I can't remember it now .

who cares, we love em, right?

I don't think it's snobby at all. Actually I think it's really important, socially and politically, to recognise and acknowledge class distinctions as a first step towards tackling and ultimately abolishing them. If you pretend they're not there, you just tacitly concede to their power.

DH thinks I married beneath me. When we first got a flat together he was in total awe that we had a TV Licence! He said to me when he opened the envelope "OMG I trully am now middle class". lol.
He also thought it incredibly amusing that I went to a school where Skiing lessons were standard.... you know because "6 is just the perfect age to start them skiing!".

I don't pretend they're not there - they're as intrinsic to human nature as racism. But I just can't even conceive of thinking along lines of 'Did I marry beneath myself?' Did I marry a man who grew up without as many opportunities or money as I did? Sure. But having grown up in a very priviledged environment, that's true of about probably 75% of the world's population, unfortunately.

But I don't read this thread as 'did you do yourself a disservice' so much as 'how does class operate for your particular social/domestic arrangement'.

Pretentious, aren't I

By asking, 'Did you marry beneath you?' - I certainly construed it as such, mother.

Just my 2p. I'm coming from a completely different mindset, however.

The thought just never entered my head. But then again, I remember having a Brazilian exchange student in our home for a year in the mid-1980s and being really stunned by how they didn't see racial colour at all. It was such a non-issue to Joaquina, the student we hosted, and her friends, and that was different to a lot of us, in an era of 'Affirmative Action' in the US.

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That sounds horrible, ggg.

Edam, whay can't he say 'toilet'? and what do you say instead? 'Bog'??

Confesses to still calling the 'loo' a bathroom, restroom or ladies' room

I did, and it has caused more problems as the years have gone on- not the least that we are living on a fraction of what my friends from school & their DHs are living on

My only worry is that my dd will do the same- I want better for her.

Yep! I've got far more money than him But before I met H I lived with a postie, and then an estage agent, so I think he's got the plus points on the intellectual side!

I came from a working background, dad was a postie and my mum worked in a factory, we lived hand to mouth and didn't have a lot of money, WE had a nice council house (many people thought it was private) and we grew up happy. I went to college. DH lived with his parents till they split up when he was 14, his mum then lived on benifits, they had no money. He left school at 14 and got into a bad crowd. But I wouldn't say I married beneath myself or him above himself. We had the same upbringing really, just our life took a different path. We are now on benifits because we have two disabled kids but I wouldn't say we are lower class.

I think I am 'middle class' (I went out with someone recently who said he thought I was posh as he 'talked proper but I talked very proper!) but my grandparents are definitely 'working class'

My parents went to Uni (unlike their parents) and are now both 'well-spoken' professionals.

I like to think I don't judge people on that however (I am after all a single mum on benefits soon to be student!) and grandparents are absolutely fantastic, clever, funny loving people who just happened to be born in an area and a time that lacked the opportunities I have.

I think I am middle classed too.

I don't know what class I am but I do think my ex-dh was certainly middle class as are his family (father was an architect for the London Underground and she is a housewife). His father pushed himself through college to get to where he was so was very proud of his achievements, quite rightly so.

My dad was in the RAF and retired early and found the only job he could get at the time - he is a hospital porter - and Mum just worked anywhere that was temporary (from mushroom picking to assembling fireworks)

I suppose I see myself as being stuck inbetween working class and middle class - I am not uncomfortable with either. The only think I am certain of is that I have been raised well, and I can only do my best to pass that on to DS.

Have to admit that a lot of people think I am posh because of my accent - I don't actually have one as such, just your basic southern - I was born in Stafford!

When I first went to a non RAF school I was very posh apparently.

having grown up from feeling as a child (throughout the whole of my childhood) as poor, second class and ashamed of every thing from my clothing to my name i refuse to be made to feel inferior or of any class in any shape or form.
Therefore to me there is absolutely no class destinction what so ever in my mind.
Every one i meet is treated with respect...as i would wish to be treated, like what they have to say is important and valid no matter where there come from, who they are and how they look.
I come into contact with highly qualified consultants through work and i speak to them as i would any one, they are neither above me nor below me in class. They just earn more than me, that does not make them any different to me, they still have to go for a poo every day just like the rest of us!!!! (How common!!!!)
So to answer your question, my husband and i are equal.
Well, he does as he is told and we get on just fine.........

When my dh is an asshole, which is often I definately think I have married beneath me

My DP is a different class to me, but I wouldn't say I married beneath me. His family are working class but are more compassionate and caring people than my middle class lot.

Although, seeing as his parents hate me and think I'm a rich stuck up bitch, perhaps the fact that I can look beyond their behaviour and say that they are actually good people, means that I am better than them after all! .

I try to take everybody at face value, but I think in my experience I am judged [incorrectly] more than I judge.

I once dated a man who was such a poser he was pathetic. He was Scots, but he refused to use colloquialisms like 'sh*e' and 'ase' b/c they were common, in his opinion. I broke up with him b/c I can't be with anyone who is that insecure.

Not married yet but i guess my fiance is "below me " but i hate that term we are different. I grew up in affluent middle class areas, went to private school in the world were every one went to uni and was a teacher, lawyer, doctor, bank manager etc. Mums and Dads worked 9-5 monday to friday and went into the country with the kids at the weekend. However my DP grew up in working class rural highlands left school at 15 with few exams and had worked solidly form 8 in morning till nightfall ever since. He has three jobs so me and DS are lucky to get one session as a family a week lasting more than two hours. The differing views tend to crop up regarding work and education. I was brought up to believe that people work hard at school acheive there potential uni etc. and have a comfortable income and spend time with family. HE however thinks you are just wasting money all those years you are learning ie. 15-21 so his way is financially better and yes he earns a good wage but time with his family is non existant I dont want his ideas to mean our DS misses out on any chances