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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

upset with dh...am I overreacting??

15 replies

pinkroses · 28/05/2005 15:52

Hi. Dh broke his leg last week after several drinks. I assumed he had just twisted his ankle and made him walk to where we were getting picked up. Turns out it was broken and I have been running around after him since.

Anyway, he keeps saying it is broken because I made him walk, which has really upset me. Now today we have had a huge row because he thinks he is joking, but I think he is being really mean to me. He also told our 3 year old that it was my fault!!!

I am so upset by his attitude towards me. But, do you think I am just taking it the wrong way. DO you think this is just a joke??

OP posts:

Soupdragon · 28/05/2005 15:53

Whether he believes it is a joke or not it is clear that it upsets you so he should stop.

Louise1980 · 28/05/2005 15:57

When some1 gets upset a joke has gone too far. I think Id feel like you. My ds1 does it to me and tells every1. He doesnt know any better and it really hurts.

Original poster

pinkroses · 28/05/2005 15:58

I am so devastated that he has made me feel so awful, and then to top it off, when I told him about it...he got annoyed like I was picking on him

OP posts:

charliecat · 28/05/2005 16:00

I know how your feeling, a jokes not a joke if the other persons not laughing.

mytwopenceworth · 28/05/2005 16:05

cant say, only he knows. but sometimes people hide behind a 'joke'. they have a particular feeling about something and may say something unpleasant or contriversial, but, if you challenge them they will say "i was only joking". its a way of getting out of it! they may not want to be challenged or argued with but they want to lay the guilt on without any responsibility for any fallout - its a form of manipulation imo.
"its all your fault you know" could mean i am in pain and you didnt believe me and im angry with you, or he could be teasing to make you feel guilty and make sure you give him the 5star treatment! or he could just be messing about.
if he says it again maybe say no it was your fault for getting drunk, or you could call it payback for the pain of childbirth?

weesaidie · 28/05/2005 16:19

I know what you mean mytwopenceworth, I remember that line... 'many a true word is spoken in jest.'

I would be upset Pinkroses, but am sure he probably doesn't really mean to be hurtful. Men seem to be a fairly inconsiderate bunch at times!

Original poster

pinkroses · 28/05/2005 16:21

I used the 'you're a lazy sh*t and I coped after the pain of having two kids' arguement today, and I've never done that before. I even called him lots of swear words, which I don't fo either. I am so upset with him...and the thing is, I really do feel guilty for making him walk with a broken ankle. I just don't know why he is using it against me.

OP posts:

weesaidie · 28/05/2005 16:33

I once made my wee sister walk with a broken ankle... she jumped off a step (a step!) when chasing me and I thought she was playing it up! I felt terrible when I realised it was really hurt.

Of course you feel bad, does he realise you feel bad you didn't believe him?? It is hardly crime of the century though, could their be underlying issues?

JoolsToo · 28/05/2005 16:40

could be a joke - but tell him you don't find it funny and if he doesn't stop he'll have to fend for himself - shove everything out of his reach

weesaidie · 28/05/2005 16:43

lol Joolstoo... v good idea!

weesaidie · 28/05/2005 16:48

Sorry Pinkroses, hope you didn't think I was trying to trivialise the thread...

hope you are feeling ok.

Tissy · 28/05/2005 17:22

pinkroses- I am absolutely certain that your dh broke his ankle during the fall, and not because you made him walk! I suggest you go along to the fracture clinic appointment and ask the orthopaedic surgeon his/ her opinion. That should shut him up!

Original poster

pinkroses · 28/05/2005 18:05

I have been a bit of a cow to him today. I just handed him a pot noodle for his dinner, usually I would cook something healthy.

I do think it may be something else making him be evil towards me. He has just brought up his best mate making a pass at me...so I'm thinking it is something to do with that.

By the looks of it, we are gonna be having a big arguement tonight. Think I'll open a bottle of wine in a minute...I'm sure it's not too early!!

OP posts:

weesaidie · 28/05/2005 20:11

I am on the wine too... oops!

Good luck with your man, I hope you get it sorted!

SenoraPostrophe · 28/05/2005 20:16

I have to say if it was the other way round - if dh made me walk and my leg turned out to be broken, I would give him hell. That being the case I wouldn't get too upset if he did it to me. That's us though. Can you think of any similar incidents where you/he reacted in a similar way?

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