I can 't say this to my mother so can I say it here?

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

please

I would die for my kids.

My mother didn't want to give up a man for me.

Or cigarettes.

Or a night out.

and there no doubt lies a huge difference between you and your mother - you doubt if you're good enough (and I bet you are, trust your DH), and your mother wouldn't even give that thought the time of day. And who can we categorically say failed her daughter abismally - your mother. Your children are loved, cared for, and KNOW they are wanted - massive massive difference which you need to focus on. It's hard to not to wish that your own past was different, bloody impossible in fact, but you are an amazing person simply because you've chosen not to mirror that to the next generation - and for that you should be proud of yourself.

You are not attention seeking. We are here because we want to know how you feel. It's the internet right? We can buzz off anytime we like.

My mother didn't love me either, but my parents are wealthy so I wasn't left in poverty.

I completely understand what it is like to feel that there is something wrong with you. That there is something fundamentally bad about you

I repeat. It's nothing to do with you and everything to do with how inadequate she was.

I am so sorry you have suffered like this. Big hug for you.

tosh to attention-seeking. we all have bad days - and unfortunately our ties to our mothers are very good at bringing them up even when we think we've dealt with them, or moved on. Has something happened to make you feel particularly low about it today?

I don't know really.

I have had a really tough day, lots of tears.

Another thread about mother's kind of set something off but that is fine. I have so much bottled up and I don't want it out as that makes it real but I feel I am getting bitter and I so don't want that.

Given what you're saying FBG, you are doing a fantastic job

It would have been so easy for you to make similar mistakes - you didn't because you are a good and better person.

You really have so much to be proud of.

Maybe I am being too hard on my mother as her mother, step mother and father weren't great role models.

You are not being too hard on her.

When you become a parent you lose all those rights to people making an exception for you.

You find that you have to put someone else before yourself.

Your mother couldn't do it, because SHE was inadequate, not because of you.

You have survived that and managed to step up for your own children, in spite of having no role model to follow, and that makes you amazing and wonderful.

You have every right to be angry with her. But you owe it to yourself to move past it.

You can't do that until you work through it - and talking about it is the best way to do that. So please, keep telling us how you are feeling.

{{{{FBG}}}}

Only you can decide if you want to unbottle it but it might help? You have every right to get out your anger and hurt over your childhood. And sometimes, though it's hard, feeling the reality of that anger and hurt can help you let go of it, and enable you to not let it make you bitter... I'm not an expert by any means, but having gone from refusing to talk about my past for years to finally opening up to a close friend, it made the world of difference to me. Always easier said than done though.

I honestly thought - obviously completely naively - that everyone couldn't help but feel the love that I have for my children, and when I had my first baby I felt I'd joined a club.

Obviously I was wrong .....your poor thing, how can someone treat their own child like that

I have always felt it was my fault.

I got sacked from one nanny job because the mum found out I had been in care.

Another interview was going really well, convinced I was going to be offered the job, then Bam! asked about my childhood and We will call you.

Fab - but then your mother was clearly a SHIT role model, and yet you are a loving, caring mother. It is not an excuse, we all have choices.

I know you feel you struggle with your kids (have seen some of your posts recently) but nothing you are experiencing with them is remotely close to what you have been through with your mother.

I'm so glad you have blurted this all out - even gladder (if that's a word??) that it feels good to get it out. You are an amazing Mum .

I really have to go to bed now. I have only had 2-3 hours sleep each night for the past 2 and I have a long drive tomorrow.

Thank you all.

I can't tell you how good it feels to get it out and find out I am not being unreasonable, silly, etc etc

well that is appalling - they had no right to question you about your childhood - even less to make an assumption based on that and sack you. That was NOT your fault. The way your mother treated you, who your mother was - NOT your fault. What was done was done TO you, and innocent child - it was her responsibility to love and cherish you. It was NOT your fault that she wasn't capable of that.

FBG - no one should have had to have the sort of childhood that you talk about. No one who has had that sort of childhood is in any way even minutely responsible for what happened to them. You've no doubt had a lifetime being led to believe that what happened to you is somehow shameful - it's not. It's shameful that your mother allowed it to happen to her daughter.

I wish I could say something useful that would really make it all feel better. But please don't go down on yourself, you're the last person who should be feeling bad about this. Your mother, the one who should be feeling bad, just doesn't have that capacity - and understandting that and accepting that, and that it is not your fault that she couldn't love you, is so so hard - but I promise you that nothing you could have said, done, or been as a child would have changed anything. You deserved better than what you got, and it's wrong that you didn't get it - but one thing it's not is your fault.

FBG, Trinity is looking for you here.

Hope you have a good night.

hope tonight is better for you

Congratulations for breaking the cycle.

Off load as much as you want.

Baker are you my sister? ...., i know your from your posts you love your kids and Dh - your a good mum, never doubt it .
im sorry for what your mum did to you , but im glad you survived it . xxx

This is just a quickie as I have to leave in 10 minutes and I am nowhere near ready.

I will never be able to express how greatful I am to you all for allowing me to post this and for being so supportive and understanding.

drlove8 -I do have a half sister but she had a life with her parents so I don't think you are.

And last night I slept

Good for you FBG

Spill whenever you feel like it, even if you get the thread deleted afterwards, it is better than sitting worrying.

Best wishes.

Just got back.

Have driven for 3 hours there and 2 3/4 hours back and we had a really good time (if you ignore the times that DD was being a pain in the car and DS2 announced he had had a hard bogey)

I got a bit lost on the way so DH has bought me a sat nav.