I started to write about how things are but it will seriously take up sooo much space and it will take ages to read it. To cut a very long story short, this is how it is:
Been married to dh for 7 years.
Have 2 ds's together and he is stepdad to my older 3 teens.
Very very simply, dh and me have sat down together time after time to discuss what is wrong with our relationship - too long to go into to give a full picture.
Every single time, dh has accepted and acknowledged that he has failed to work at the relationship and has consistently let me down on important issues. He has said numerous times that he wishes he were more assertive and could find some drive within himself to do more within his own life and in regrads to our marriage. He promises that he will seek help with doing this (I believe he needs counselling) and try harder at all the things he acknowledges are not right with us (or more so with himself). He also accepts that I have made tremendous effort to put things right and knows he has let me down on many occasions.
In January this year he slept on the sofa, as things came to a massive head, for a couple of months. He again promised, and begged for me to give him another chance and to let him show that he could turn things around and pleaded with me to give him 6 months. He said he realised that he needed to make changes and knew it was pretty much his final chance. I agreed as I felt I owed it to the kids to keep together for stablility and consistency. I also agreed as I felt guilty that I would be breaking up my marriage and felt sorry for him.
So here I am 8 months later, nothing has changed. We had a heart to heart again last week (after he spectacularly let me down over a recent bereavement). He conceded that he had not done anything to change things during the last 8 months had just, again, allowed things to drift and buried his head in the sand. He buys self help books but then never reads them and never acts on what he says he will do.
He has begged and pleaded again for me to give him another couple of weeks to show that he can change! He will not say how he is going to do this, just that I should not give up on the relationship. He knows I am ready to walk away due to the lack of effort on his part. Relate helped a little last year.
He is not a bad man. Just lazy, passive and lacking in backbone and drive. He however is in denial that my feelings for him and my respect for him have simply been worn away over the years and I know for certain that I do not want a future with him. But I feel so guilty and know it will detsroy him, so I really need advice and support on how to get him to accept it is over. I want him in my kids' lives but need to help him see that this side of things can work, but we just won't.