I'm having a big problem in the relationship with my wife. We have 1 child, now three months old. Maybe people here could give me some tips or just another point of view. I feel like going crazy at the moment.
The problem is based around (the lack of) sex/physical love/attention. My wife thinks i treat her 'like a lump of meat with holes in' but I don't feel like that at all. She feels unatractive and is never in the mood for making love/giving eachother physical attention. I need that very badly and I believe it's very bad for our relationship that we don't have that. This is a problem we had before as well, having a child has enlarged it though. I constantly tell her how beautifull and attractive i find her. Do everything to get the right atmosphere, give her attention, etc. She only wants to computer, doesn't even want to kiss or anything. We make love once a month or something like that and I have to do all the work. She just lays there, says she can't relax. I have to do 200 tricks and hours of work to try an get her to relax. Sometimes i succeed and we have lovely sex. And we both feel a lot better.
It hurts me very much though that she never seems to make any effort whatsoever on this aspect of our relationship (on other aspects she definitely does). Never takes any initiative or anything. The sexiest thing she has done in 2 years time is laying a hand on my chest and stroking once or twice. I feel like I'm sleeping next to a 70 year old and feel hurt and angry. I know that these emotions are not good, try to talk about it/push them away. But everytime we lay in bed I feel like crying for having a wife that doesn't want to have any sex with me.
Ofcourse there are other things to life then sex, for me it's an important element of a relationship. When we talk about it she says she wants it as well. But still she never takes any initiative and when i ask her why she won't I'm accused of pressurising her.
am I doing something very stupid, am i selfish for wanting a sexlife while having children? Does anyone have any experience with problems like these?