If Ghengis Khan had to kill a housefly, he'd do it just like DH.

[snigger]

We live in the country, it's summer, there are flies. A non-standard pest-eradication programme has commenced.

Stage 1 :

DH cremated the flies where they landed using a butane blowtorch. Stage 1 was abruptly, yet sadly for him, not abruptly enough, terminated when the bloodlust took him and he tried to wipe out a fly on the organza drapes in our bedroom. (3 1/2 inch hole, 30 min row, flowers for me, new curtains on order)

Stage 2 :

DH stands, fixated, right now, in the hall, with the Dyson, (I'm trying to think of a non-smutty way of saying 'pole extended', but there isn't) hoovering them up as they land, with a look of near religious mania on his face.

Anyone else care to share? Or am I married to the weirdest man in Britain?

Well, DH got his weed wand today. He first started putting it together inside the house.

Me: 'Do you think it might be a better idea to do that outside?'

DH: 'Yeah okay. Just remember the number for emergency is 999 and not 911 in this country. . .'

This didn't fill me with confidence, so I went outside to supervise, until the phone rang and it was a friend calling from overseas. I opened the window so I could hear any screams from the garden, and afterward went out to check DH was still alive. He confessed to there having been a 'small bushfire, but nothing I couldn't handle'.

He finally had to stop when it started raining, but it kept him amused for more than an hour. Some insects were definitely harmed.

DH is is an extreme fly killer, garden mangler, slug assasin, and all round nice guy most of the time! He just likes to go to the nth degree when going out on a mission and tries to rid our garden, and everyone elses in the road of any pests/excessive branches he feels needs pruning.

You are not alone. Is there some kind of help group?

Someone I know uses a good steam iron, and sprays them with it!!

Rusty, I am deeply impressed at your grandfather cutting wasps in half whilst they are on the wing. And with a breadknife too - I'd have thought a cook's knife with a non-serrated blade might have given a cleaner cut?

My dad always swore by the Financial Times as a fly-swatter. We used to get two other daily papers and any number of magazines, but it had to be the FT for flies. No other paper quite did the job for some reason.

XH used to grab them in mid-air and hurl them against the nearest hard surface, the intention being to dash their brains out

On the spider front, I saw one approximately the size of a soup-plate running up the wall behind my computer last night. If any of the boys had been home I would have asked them to tackle it, but they weren't, so I evicted it myself using the old glass and card method. Aren't you impressed? (OK, I did put on rubber gloves as well, just in case... well, I'm not sure what of, but just in case.)

YanknCock and LovingtheSilverFox - if you are starting a self help group for wives of garden manglers I'm definitely qualified to join. DH grew up on a farm where it wasn't so much gardening as agricultural management ... he has never adapted. He not only reduces anything growing to shadows of their former selves but "weeds" out my plants on occasions - I now only grow things that self-seed/spread like wildfire because they stand a fighting chance.

YanknCock: squirrels don't need trees to get onto the roof - they just climb up the outside on the brickwork - I've seen them do it at ours - a bit like spider(squirrel)man!

I have laughed myself silly reading this. It made tears come to my eyes!!

Thanks so much snigger for posting such a brilliant post xxx

PMSL at the OP