If you live a long way from your siblings....

[kwaker5]

....have you grown apart as you've got older?

My brother and his wife moved to France about 3 years ago. They haven't been to visit us since (prior to that we lived about 200 miles apart but they didn't visit us for about 3 years, although we visited them about three or four times a year). We went over with DS a couple of years ago (he was 8 months at the time) but haven't been over since because we were hoping they might come over here and travelling with a toddler is such a headache. They have no kids, although SIL is now due in November. We now have a DD (3 months) and I did think we might try and go over early next year before I go back to work but a part of me feels a bit 'why do we have to make all the effort'. I dwell on the fact we hardly see one another: should I just accept that's how it is and stop thinking about it?

Similarly, DH's brother and his family live near his parents about 200 miles away. His parents have been to visit us three times in 10 years (two of those visits were for births of DS and DD). We see his brother and family every time we visit his parents (about 3 or 4 times a year but they rarely come to visit us. Now that we have DD we don't really have the room for them to stay over but there was no reason prior to that.

Just wondering if it's inevitable to lose touch in these circumstances. My mum rarely saw her brother after their parents died and my dad doesn't see his sister that much. They also live considerable distances apart.

Quite about drifting apart from my brother, especially as he is starting a family now.

2rebecca you are so wrong about mugglewump.

I don't think mugglewump sounds like a martyr, you can only make so much of an effort-it has to be from both sides.

my isblings are a lot older than me and live hundreds of miles apart

I don't feel we are close, I'd love to be closer but they have lives where the kids are grown up and they don't seem interested in my life of daily kids kids kids and their activities

so in answer to the op, yes I feel we are apart

muggle, your situation sounds a lot like mine

I sympathise

I live abroad and my siblings (20, 22, 25 yo) live in UK. I fully accept that most of the travelling will be done by me, because I made the decision to move abroad. I will always be delighted to receive visits, but know that at least for a few years more I, as the eldest and the only one with a steady job, will be the one most likely to travel.

We keep in touch mostly via my mother, but call each other about once a fortnight. Unfortunately only my little sister has Skype set up, so it costs me quite a lot (onus usually on me to call) but if that's what it costs, that's what it costs... For me, family ties are more important than saving a few euros.

I really feel that if you want to keep in touch, then do what you can. It's not worth keeping tabs on who called who when. Your brother may be crap at calling, but actually really appreciate it when you call.

I never really liked my sister as we were growing up so really wasn't fussed when she moved out and got married. We sporadically contacted each other but wouldn't go out of our way to see each other as we had nting in common. She had six children by the time she was 30, I took till 37 to have one. I moved out of the UK with DH and gave birth in Oman. She came out with my mum for a week and it was brilliant. We still don't contact each other too often, but we went back to the UK in the summer and DD had the time of her life with her cousins. I'd like sister and BIL to come and stay with us for a bit, but money issues mean they can't.

yup. my sister and brother live abroad and we exchange cards. Thats about it. They are child free and can't understand why we don't fly to Australia to visit so got the huff over it.
I have asked they visit mum as she is 74 with a heart condition but they seem to be assuming she will live for ever and haven't bothered. Brother has been in the UK for years.