Have namechanged for this, not sure why...maybe that tells me something in itself?
DH is generally great and would do anything for me. He always encourages me to see family and friends, always compliments me (but mostly on the way I look- he tells me I'm beautiful at least twice a day), does his fair share around the house, makes me laugh, would never call me names, always tells me how much he loves me etc etc.
But he can be a bit controlling. He doesn't appreciate that i need to do things in my own time and in my own way. He's always on at me to learn to drive, offers to pay for my provisional etc and when i say I'm not ready/interested at the moment he gets really frustrated, says i always come up with "excuses". He bought me a bike to try and get me to go cycling with him, but I don't like cycling so he moans about that "I've bought you a bike and you still won't do it". I didn't ask for a bike and don't especially want one cluttering up the garage either!!!
He also does things like insist on coming to pick me up in the car, I tell him I'm fine to get the bus but he just keeps insisting so most of the time I back down even though it means waiting much longer and makes me grumpy.
His mum is getting on and needs a lot of help but sometimes i hear him on the phone to her and realise that he speaks to her in the same way he speaks to me, a bit impatient which i know makes us both stick our heels in for the sake of it or become flustered. One time he asked me to phone nhs 24 about her medication, i said that he would be best to do it as he knows all the details but he got annoyed that i wouldn't just "do it" and do him a favour because he was busy at work. i phoned and right enough i didn't have all the details so it was a waste of time which i knew it would be but somehow refusing to do it seemed like I was refusing to do him a favour? This is quite typical.
Also this seems really petty but he never says 'please' when he asks me to make a cup of tea. He always just says "stick the kettle on will you?" He says I should know that he means please. I've asked him repeatedly to please say it, its just polite and is important to teach the kids good manners but he still won't do it and goes in the huff when I then only make tea for myself.
I feel quite smothered, i know he does stuff because he cares and he thinks that is the best/quickest/easiest way to do things but he doesn't support me in the way I want him to- by being gentle and encouraging and letting me get on with the things that concern me myself.
I am usually ok at addressing these things, like when he repeatedly calls me beautiful i say "thankyou, thats nice. I'm also clever and kind too". I try not to make him tea if he doesn't say please but usually just do it anyway because it seems so petty and I think that I probably don't say please all the time to him. When he hassles me about driving i tell him that it is my decision and I ask him why he is so insistant and he says things like "it will just make your life so much easier, you will have much more freedom" which is totally true, but for some reason its difficult to feel that my best interests are what is at the heart of it.
It just feels like a lot of effort, i fell like i need to be vigilant all the time of sticking up for my corenr, it is easy to give in and do things his way. I find it weird that I am even having to think about my corner, I really want us to be a team.
Am i being ridiculous and should i be grateful to have a man that is trying to be supportive (maybe just not in the most appropriate way for me) or is this controlling behaviour and should I be warey?