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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband just left me 2day

17 replies

gembobs · 05/08/2009 21:35

Me n my husband had a massive argument, he started it but then claimed i was 2 blame which upset me n got me angry n now he has worked out on me with his teenage son (my dss) n left me 2 look afetr our 2 DC's aged 10 wweks n 23 months, i feel scared i won't cope in managing them as i ave always had my husband around 2 help.

I aven't been happy 4 a while but i put that down 2 the sleepless nights, a new baby n managing 2 children but i wasn't going 2 leave him as i loved him n wanted us 2 work.

DH has left me with a tenner till i can get a claim off the jobcentre.

I feel he is planning on getting custody of the kids.

I feel scared n lonely n don't know what to do.

OP posts:

iMumruly · 05/08/2009 21:37

No advice but hugs to you.

megmums · 05/08/2009 21:40

Sorry to hear this. It maybe he needs space to clear his head. See what happens when he calms down. What was the argument about? Hope you're ok. x

LittleMissMummy · 05/08/2009 21:42

Hope you are ok gembobs. What was the argument about? Has he wanted to leave for a while? Did he say if he was coming back?

Can you ask any family members to help you out for the now until you sort things out with your DH?

Celery · 05/08/2009 21:42

Is there anybody in real life who you can talk to? Family? Friends? Not dissing the support available on mumsnet, but you need as much support as you can get right now.

CaramelisedOnions · 05/08/2009 21:44

oh dear, so sorry!
It might help to think of practical things to get you through the next few days:

call Inland Revenue and talk tax credits
go to job centre and talk about Income Support.
rally all friends and family and ask for some help
other places to go for help generally include CAB who can advise on all the above plus help with housing costs and council tax etc.

All the best!

Original poster

gembobs · 05/08/2009 21:49

I live too far away from family i am in Leicester they r in Manchester so they cannot help. I don't have many friends all my friends is his friends.

My husband has told me it is over 4 good.

The argument was because he thought i was in a mood (i wasn't) then he claimed i don't do anything around the house, yet i look after the kids wen he wants 2 go out at night or if he needs 2 pop shop basically i do help.

OP posts:

LittleMissMummy · 05/08/2009 21:55

It sounds like the argument started over nothing really ? Do you want him to come back or would you rather just separate?

Original poster

gembobs · 05/08/2009 22:07

I am not sure wot i want but deep down i want him bac but i no he aint coming back.

OP posts:

mamas12 · 05/08/2009 22:07

Aw gembob this is not what you need with a ten week old and another baby of 23 months is it.
Ring someone in Manchester to come and stay with you , ring now tonight or first thing in the morning if you like. I,m sure they would come to support you when you say you really need them.
You OH is being very childish at the moment.
You are SO entitled to be in a mood under your circumstances.
Hope you can ring tonight and get the rl supposrt you need right now.

Original poster

gembobs · 06/08/2009 22:07

I am sure my husband is denying me money so the kids will get took off me n into social services care.

I am sure he was seeing some-one else, but can't prove anything without evidence.

I just think this is unfair he has got to walk away but i can't as i am left with the kids 2 care 4.

OP posts:

LittleMissMummy · 06/08/2009 22:12

Not really sure what advice I can give - I know its probably really tough looking after the 2 kids on your own (especially if one is just 10 weeks old) but try to draw strength from them if you can. You say its unfair that he got to walk away but your left with the kids - would you rather have left them with him and you walk away?

Has he been in touch? How is he able to deny you money?

Hope your alright.

HolyGuacamole · 06/08/2009 22:13

gembobs, I remember your other threads. Now is time to call up your family/friends (no matter how far away they are), tell them what has happened and get as much help as you can. I think you are better off without this man and i think you know that too.

You will get lots of support, do what carmelised says.

Don't see this as a negative thing, see it as a new start. I know it will be hard but really you need to get yourself in gear moneywise with benefits and start to sort yourself out.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 06/08/2009 22:15

Sounds like he picked a fight in order to have a 'reason' to go. Sorry you are going through this.

you can cope. many, many women do! You need to get the practicalities sorted. Talk to the cab and go through everything with them. They will be able to help you know what things you need to sort out.

Original poster

gembobs · 06/08/2009 22:38

LittleMissMummy no he hasn't been in touch i have even foned him but he will not ansa. No i wouldn't of left my kids i don't think any mother will but he hasn't even asked if they r ok. He is able 2 deny me money as he has got it all including the card to the post office account which has the tax creditd been paid in (2morro) and child benefit.

I have just spoke 2 my brother n he says if he has the money he will come down n get me n take me back 2 Manchester.

I can't believe he hates me so much to do this.

OP posts:

HecatesTwopenceworth · 06/08/2009 22:45

Is tax credit / cb in your name?

Phone them. Get them to change payment method IMMEDIATELY! Perhaps they can recall this payment? If not, at least it would be sorted for next week. if you don't have an account they can send giros until you get yourself sorted.

I know you are worried, but you need to take action. Actual practical steps to sort these things out. I know you are worried and upset, but you can't sit there worrying about things that you can sort out, instead of sorting them out.

you can do this. you really can. come on. you'll get through this.

LittleMissMummy · 06/08/2009 22:45

Contact the revenue and get the child benefit and tax credits paid into your own accout if you have one - he has no right to take this money if he isnt caring for the kids full time. Also contact the CAB and try to get as much advice as possible.

Does your exDH live in Manchester? Is that where your brother is taking you?

shelleylou · 06/08/2009 22:47

Make a claim for income support. Phone up about a crisis loan tell them that there is a risk to health as you have young children and need milk etc they might sort out something for you. If not phone social services explain to them that your husband has left and you have little or no moneey and need xyz for the children. It does mean you will be made aware to them but its to help you. They will offer you support ask them about Homestart they can send a vvolunteer round to help you etc

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