So am I being selfish too?

[marriedtoatoddler]

Read with interest thread about DP planning trip to India and the universal condemnation of him as a selfish irresponsible git. So what do you all think of me, then?

I work at home most of the time, so finish up doing more than my share of the housework, school runs (3 teenage DC), etc. which I don?t mind. But the part of my job which I really love involves freelance work in Europe - 1-2 weeks at a time and a total of around 7 weeks a year at present. This isn?t enough to keep me up-to-date, and I want to increase it to, ideally, 10-12 weeks.

This part of my life is the real me - the part that makes me myself and not just the next mum at the school gate. I also really value spending time on my own, without constant demands for attention and sex (and that?s just DH, the DC look after themselves!)

DH has always bitterly resented my being away at all overnight - I have long given up suggesting visiting my family or taking the children away by myself occasionally, and don?t particularly miss that. He goes ballistic if I put one day on the beginning or end of the trip to see a bit of the place I?m working in ? it?s apparently just about bearable that I should be earning money, but not that I should actually enjoy myself. Cue apoplectic fury, wild threats to leave his job so he can accompany me on every trip, vague promises to ?make my life hell?, insisting on taking me to and from the airport so he can try to dictate what flights I should take, etc.

So am I the selfish commitmentphobe, or is he the clingy toddler? I can see he feels deeply threatened and rejected. But am I supposed to restrict my life so he can feel better? Is 10 weeks a year apart too much?

[SolidGoldBrass]

I'd be inclined to dump this man myself. It's not just the whining and attention seeking, it's the fact that he feels entitled to threaten you. Has he always been inadequate, and resented you for having a job and being the successful one?