Gathering evidence of DH's suspected infidelity - advice please! (sorry long)

[NameChangedObviously]

Have namechanged for this obv.

DH has been going through an odd patch over the last few years. He walked out on me for a few days while I was pg with DS and neither of us were sure whether he was coming back. But after a weekend in a cheap hotel he "missed me" and did come back. He has always worked (yes, and played) hard but since DS was born he has increasingly started staying v late "at work" - 3am not unusual - sometimes he has stayed out overnight. He also has not been interested in sex (with me) for some years but I have been putting that down to depression (which he's now getting help for).

But now I am getting this sinking feeling there's something else going on. He spends a lot of time on internet "adult" chat/webcam websites (I haven't mentioned this to him, but they keep coming up on his history and he is a registered user and frequent visitor of the sites).

Also, in the last year (basically since DS was born) he has stopped donating blood. No other reason to stop donating blood - no tattoos or blood transfusions etc.

This week he told me I was a "good wife" but it came out a bit strange - after a long pause iyswim.

Basically I am wondering if he is cheating on me. And if he is, I want to know about it and be prepared - so I can sort out the legal side, re-plan my finances etc. Because if he has been cheating, I bloody do not want to be with him. DH's mum took DH's dad back far too many times for the same offence.

Have looked at his phone but no incriminating texts that I can see. Can't find an extra phone anywhere. Can't access his bank details (online).

Can anyone recommend where I should go from here to investigate further? I'm not going to turn into a sherlock holmes, but I'm guessing that if my suspicions are true, given that he doesn't yet know I suspect him they should be fairly easy to verify if only I knew where/how to look.

?SIM card reader
?tracker in car
.....

Unfortunately he doesn't talk in his sleep!!

hmmm spyware perhaps?

Google for a key logger or computer monitoring programme.

I always get more suspicious when he is unexpectedly nice to me - and I am a paranoid cow at the best of times.

Could you get in our car one night and drive to where he works to see if he is there?

Re; the blood donation - do you think it's possible he's sleeping with a man? Or does his computer use sugest otherwise?

Thanks ladies, have been considering your suggestions, googling etc and now have a few options to choose from. I think the simpler, more direct approaches are the way forward. But sadly for various practical reasons, which I won't bore you all with, it is not poss to drive to his work to find out whether he is really there or not in the middle of the night.

Bit of an ethical minefield isn't it! I am giving myself some time to think about it, to be sure that I'm happy with whatever decision I make on the finding-out front. I will have to make sure not to do anything illegal as I don't want to compromise myself in that way.

As a couple of people have said, he's not been particularly canny about covering his tracks, so ...

well sh*t tends to rise to the surface in its own time ... as anyone who's had a water birth will testify.

Lynette as for your question about sleeping with a man - TBH this never crossed my mind! I don't know in much detail about his computer use so can't say for sure. Hmmmmmm - interesting. Will think a bit more about this. Thank you x

MEN eh! Dont look for another phone,be clever like us women are and try removing battery from his phone check too see if he has another sim card hid there

even if he's not having an affair, staying in work til 3am is unacceptable. esp with a baby.

Don't bother asking him. He will flat out lie, and will have a story rehearsed. Get to your doctor and have yourself tested for every std in the book and hepatitis b even though you are using protection. He is probably not donating blood because he may have tested positive for something himself -- most likely from having unprotected sex, and possibly even unprotected sex with men.
SpectorPro (spelling?)is a great programme for the computer -- doesn't cost a fortune. You download it. But you may be shocked at what you find.

I agree with the others, no point in asking him, he will lie. You need to wait til you have proof. Then confront him, he will still lie but at least you will know for sure he is lying. When confronted with some proof, they will still lie so sometimes holding something back can verify if they are willing to tell all eventually.