Update on 'in a pickle', DP and I split last night

[worried27]

This was my thread last week: here

I left work on Friday and really believed now that weight was off my shoulders that things would get back to how they used to be for us.

He however didn't seem to want to give that a chance as he came round last night and split up with me. There wasn't really a proper reason, well none that he gave, just the usual 'I don't think we're suited'...

We had the talk we should have had a few weeks ago, about me realising that the job was getting me down, and that I knew it was affecting us but that once I'd left things would change. For once I was totally honest about how unhappy I'd been at the job and how badly it had affected me. He said why didn't you say something at the time? I said I was afraid where the conversation would end. He said he'd think about what I had said but tbh I don't think he will change his mind.

I am so sad because when we first met everything was great, and was until we started to work together. In fact I thought I had found 'the one'. I am so angry with myself for letting it get to this point again. Now he has left me and all my dreams and my future with him have left me too.

[Greyclay]

Hello Worried - am off to bed in a minute so I'm sorry if this is brief. You have not done anything wrong - not the job, not demurring to your ex self-indulgently mad boss, not you asking about your ex dp's evening drink date and plans (even if you weren't entirely laid back about it). The point is, the people who really care about you and who you are and how you feel, i.e. good friends, good family, a good guy...will easily overlook a little wobble and temporary insanity here and there and like you for "who you are" as cliche as that sounds.

I have followed your thread...and have been disappointed by your exdh quite frankly. I can't even get up the muster to get angry with him. He sounds really freaking lame and unattractive. And you sound lovely...if a little unsure on your feet (if you don't mind me saying so).

I am not worried about you. You are experiencing some tough and not-so-nice life lessons right now but it sounds as though you are working on figuring out who you are. You will get a job and you will get a fab guy. You will feel sad but please don't waste any more grief on this lame-o than you have to.

And keep us posted about the good news (because I see good things ahead for you). And I'm sorry this was not so "brief"

[BottySpottom]

I agree with Greyclay.

Things might have been lovely before, but life isn't always 'lovely', things do happen that stretch relationships to their limits, and when that happened to him, he didn't want to know.

That wouldn't bode well for your future surely? Imagine having a child with him and him not being supportive when you were exhausted and hormonal when it was tiny - or one of your family being ill and you needing support.

Sorry, but I think you are well rid. You sound far far too nice for him (though like GreyClay said, a little unsure - infact, a little unsure of how nice you have been to him and what a tit he is being).

HOW DARE he ask for keys back just because you asked who he was with. What a big baby!

[ginnny]

Oh worried!! They are all lovely at first when things are all new and exciting. Its a bit further down the line when life starts getting difficult that you see their true colours.
He really sounds like a nob. I know you are in love with him and its hard to see that but he doesn't treat you with respect.
Why did he text you to tell you he was on a night out when he'd just finished with you anyway. And why wouldn't he say who he was with? It sounds to me like he was trying to make you jealous and it worked.
If so that's very juvenile and pathetic and you are well rid.
Tell him to shove his keys up his arse and send him on HIS way.

[worried27]

Thanks everyone I am going away for the weekend (pre planned) and I am going to print this thread out and read it every time I feel myself wavering!

I know you are all right, BottySpottom what you said about his lack of support made me think of something, my uncle died a couple of months back (on my mum's birthday ), I was distraught, DP had had a lad's night/dinner booked in with an old uni mate, I was at work when I found out and so he could see how devastated I was... he still went out with uni-mate though, the one concession being that I was allowed to go with him.

I am a little unsure on my feet, I don't mind you saying that!

Anyway I am off to find my passport

[cathcat]

Oh Worried! Hold your head up high and thank your lucky stars for a lucky escape! I don't think he was the right man for you - his lame support and now this, I know it is hard because you want to believe in the best of him but really I think he does not sound worthy of you.

[BottySpottom]

Have a lovely week-end. Fingers crossed for you to meet a new Mr Right this week-end so that when Tit comes grovelling back next week-end, you can tell him where to put his lack of support!

[worried27]

That has really made me laugh, I have renamed him Tit in my phone!

Anyway I'm off for the weekend, will post any update when I get back but I really doubt he will be in touch this weekend, or indeed next week, especially not to grovel!

Thanks for your support

[BottySpottom]

I dare you to do what I have almost done inadvertantly with my e-mail. When I save someone's e-mail address I often put their name and then in brackets, the name of their children or where I know them from. This means that I don't get Clare from toddlers muddled with Clare mum of Jack or Clare the dentist when I am e-mailing people.

I have nearly saved very rude nicknames when I have been cross with SIL not realising that when you send an e-mail, the nickname appears in the address heading as well. I would love to see the realisation dawn across his face when you reply to his e-mail asking what's happened to his keys!

[poshsinglemum]

It's a blessing in disguise because you are rid of two stupid men; your bullying manager and your spineless ex.
I know you are probably feeling like crap right now but this time next year you will be thaking your lucky stars!

[worried27]

Well I am back from my hols today, so update time..

He did get in touch mid-week but only to change his mind AGAIN and say oh I don't think we should meet up after all as he didn't see any future in us. Sent me the most cliched email ever (even saying it was a good thing I left the job as when one door closes a window will open - FFS! ). Of course when I was away I couldn't care less but I admit to a few tears when I landed this afternoon cos it all just started to hit home, no job, no DP, etc..

So there we go another chapter of Worried's life officially closed

Now I am sitting here wondering if I can be bothered to go to a party I said I would go to, but I need to unpack and get ready and then it's probably a good 45 min drive, and everyone will be asking 'oh how's DP/job/life' when of course the answer to all three is 'err, rubbish!' and I don't know if I have the energy for that this evening!

Ok and breathe...

[boudoiricca]

Go! Jump in the shower, fling on some clean clothes - a new outfit you haven't been wearing all holiday - and hit the party. Show off your tan. If people ask how you are tell them about your trip! You never know who you might meet - new friend / job contact / interesting man / man with interesting brother at home...

I'm sorry this is happening to you, but I echo everyone below - he's a Tit and you're well rid. Honest. Onwards and upwards...

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

If a man makes you cry like that and do stupid stuff he isn't the man for you.

[worried27]

I know everyone likes an update so...

As you know I lost the job and then split with DP. I've decided to take a year out and do a masters, moving away from London back home so I can afford to do so. I was getting sporadic texts and email from him, always about nothing in particular, and it wasn't helping me get over him, I still missed him etc. Anyway the time has come for me to leave London and he said how about a goodbye dinner last night? I know, I know, but I went... and I told him there'd be no funny business...

Anyway dinner was, well, pleasant. I didn't get any 'oh god I want you back' feelings. Stayed at his, yes we had a kiss and a cuddle but I really didn't want any more. This morning though he kept trying and he just wouldn't take no for an answer! Even though i kept saying, look I said I wouldn't, no, I don't want to, he kept trying to persuade me for a good 20 mins. Eventually he gave up and went in the shower.

And you know what? In those 20 minutes any tiny bit of flame I might still have held for him, went out. Just like that. It's strange, what you find you can make excuses for, infidelity, lack of support etc, but when someone can't even RESPECT you and your wishes and your body, then how the hell can you respect them? You just can't. And so just like that I thought 'if I never see you again, it'll be just fine'.

I drove home, all the while thinking about it, and all the way just feeling so free. And weirdly Beyonce came on the radio:

"Me, myself and I that's all I got in the end
That's what I found out
And there ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend"

Weird or what?!

So there lies the end of the story, thanks to all of you for your support and being my safety net during those horrible few weeks.

And that, my friends, is closure ;)

[paperplains]

high five to you. Amazing how the fog clears and you can see them for what they are. Sending you very best wishes for the future x

[Rindercella]

Bloody good on you!

Well done for doing your masters too - good move.

You are well shot of both him and the job.

Best of luck for the future

[laurielou]

How fabulous!!! Well done you!

Good luck for the future, x

[Doha]

Closure that's what you have found.

A chapter in your life has ended and a new exciting one is starting

Very well done and good luck with your masters.

I wish you all the best for the future